Who would have predicted this?
You'd think Jordan -- the banished stripper from "Big Brother" -- would be the reality TV insta-celeb most likely to make a beeline for the pages of Playboy.
But no. Josh's former libido-lamenting playmate says she plans to keep her clothes on in public from now on. No men's mag nudie shots for her.
Or lap dancing, as it turns out. The erstwhile erotic dancer hasn't returned to her old job at Schiek's Palace Royale since getting kicked out of the house, though she is working on a book about it.
What's more, she swears she's not as sex-crazed as the show's producers made her out to be and says she only talked about sex to relieve the boredom. "I was just bored, bored out of my skull," she tells the Minneapolis Star Tribune.
Not so bored, however, that she'd agree to the producers' suggestion in her final week that she give Brittany a lap dance -- even though they offered to send in a stage and props. Call it the ultimate cuddle.
"I was so irate at the producers for reducing me to this sexually aggressive vixen," she says, "but after I watched the show a couple times, I understood. Nobody on the show, except Will and I, was giving them good material."
In fact, she maintains she had the highest-minded motivations for going on the show. "I really didn't care about the prize. I wanted the voice," she insists. "I wanted to be talking about, say, diseases, and I wanted people at home to say, 'That's interesting. Let's talk about that.' I wanted to instigate conversation."
Discussing diseases? That's just sick.
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Beyond "Survivor"
"I would love to be a [production assistant] on an adventure travel show, like 'Crocodile Hunter.' That would be so fun."
-- Ousted "Survivor" contestant Colleen, on what she'd like from life after the show, to TV Guide Online.
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Uma and the eyeball
As you all undoubtedly know by now, I have a particular weakness for stories involving celebrity body parts -- be it a hairy butt, a golf-balled gonad or an exploding breast implant.
But the upcoming issue of Us Weekly has an eye-catching item that makes even me a little squeamish. So, of course, I feel compelled to share it with you ...
It seems that at a recent party in Woodstock, N.Y., Uma Thurman's father went for a little swim --and emerged from the pool without his glass eye.
The actress -- spying her dripping, eyeless pops --reportedly dived right into the deep end, scraped the eyeball off the bottom of the pool and handed it over to her empty-socketed dad, who promptly plunked it back in its rightful place.
"Papa Thurman," the magazine thoughtfully informs us, "had lost the eye some years ago in an accident with a tire iron while fixing his car." Then leaves the rest to our imaginations.
Peeled grapes, anyone?
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Mrs. Robinson's milk moustache
"The 44-year-old mother of four certainly demonstrates nightly that she's made of the 'white stuff' by appearing naked in front of almost 900 theatergoers."
-- Andrew Owens, the marketing manager for Britain's National Dairy Council, on why he wants Jerry Hall to endorse milk.
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Juicy bits
Patrick Stewart is a man of action, if not a man of action figures. The thatch-free thespian recently confessed he'd had his "X-Men" action figure taken off the market because "it was such a poor likeness. I know what I ought to look like, and that ain't good enough," Stewart carped during a U.K. radio interview, explaining that he has "had probably more action figures made of me than any other actor in the history of my profession." What'd they do, give him hair?
If you thought Eminem's marriage to Kim Mathers didn't have a slim, shady chance in hell, you were right. The rapper has filed divorce papers to end his troubled marriage to his high-school sweetheart and the mother of his 4-year-old child. Mathers' attorney told the Associated Press that his client was reluctant to accept her estranged husband's move to end the marriage, but said she'd come to realize that it was for the best. "There is no reason for her to shed too many tears over a relationship with somebody who obviously does not want her around," he said. What do you suppose tipped her off -- the "Kim -- Rot in pieces" tattoo?
The French will be so relieved to hear ... Jerry Lewis plans to live forever. Or at least for 20 more years. The 74-year-old comedian has signed a 20-year contract to perform at the Orleans hotel-casino in Las Vegas five times a year for four nights at a stretch. "Twenty years with the provision of when I'm 94 I can work with a walker," Lewis told the Associated Press. And you thought his jokes were old now.
And you used to think those British theatergoers were so high-minded. Turns out they just can't get enough of blond American actresses getting nekkid on stage -- in the interest of art, of course. Next up? Daryl Hannah, who may doff her duds in a West End production of "The Seven-Year Itch." Yes, Hannah will play the role made famous by Marilyn Monroe, but audiences can expect way more than a glimpse of undies beneath a blown-up skirt, as the play, according to producer Laurence Myers, is considerably "raunchier" than the film. "We are not talking stage orgies," he clarifies. "But if the play requires her to appear naked, she won't have a problem with that." That sound you hear is the U.K. critics sharpening their pens.
Industry sources down under can apparently keep a secret about as well as, say, Jar-Jar Binks under torture. Newspaper the Australian -- which, like the studios at which the film is being shot, is owned by Rupert Murdoch -- reports that the new "Star Wars" film will be called "The Rise of the Empire." Now, getting back to the concept of Jar-Jar Binks under torture ...
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