God, the folks who run JPMorgan Chase are so smart. So smart! Heroes, too -- never forget how they were nice enough to take over Bear Stearns and Washington Mutual, when the mean old government asked them to. That was so polite. And smart.
What is the key to their vast moneymaking apparatus? They're so polite -- again, with the politeness -- that they offered to tell the whole world whatever they wanted to know yesterday, on Twitter.
Tomorrow at 1pm ET $JPM Vice Chairman Jimmy Lee takes over @JPMorgan to answer your questions for 1 hour. Tweet your Q early using #AskJPM
— J.P. Morgan (@jpmorgan) November 13, 2013
What career advice would you ask a leading exec at a global firm? Tweet a Q using #AskJPM. On 11/14 a $JPM leader takes over @JPMorgan — J.P. Morgan (@jpmorgan) November 7, 2013
The bank, see, just helped underwrite Twitter's IPO, a project spearheaded by this V.C., Mr. Lee. Having raked in an insane amount in fees, Lee must've decided he'd give this Twitter thing a little spin himself, to see what joy he just brought to the public. And you just won't believe what the mean old Internet did to JPMorgan next: It used this open forum to heckle JPMorgan. Or, more precisely: It used this opportunity to ask a JPMorgan exec questions to ask JPMorgan exec questions.
Do you have an org chart that's perfectly analogous to the criminal underworld - capo, made man - or do you just wing it? #AskJPM
— David Dayen (@ddayen) November 13, 2013
Were you embarrassed when even the usually-silent @USOCC asked Jamie Dimon to step down from the Bank Unit? http://t.co/ymCl6MJuSv #AskJPM
— alexis goldstein (@alexisgoldstein) November 13, 2013
When you robosigned credit card docs, did you think you were going to have to shutter the litigation group? http://t.co/qm5Re3YgpR #AskJPM
— alexis goldstein (@alexisgoldstein) November 13, 2013
Would you rather negotiate with 1 horse-sized Eric Holder, or 100 duck-sized Eric Holders? #AskJPM
— Kevin Roose (@kevinroose) November 13, 2013
Ever wish you could give JP Morgan/Chase a piece of your mind? Check out the hashtag #AskJPM right now.
— Occupy Wall Street (@OccupyWallSt) November 13, 2013
#AskJPM why did u think this would be a good idea
— alex pareene (@pareene) November 13, 2013
Does it feel better paying the biggest bank fines in history so far, or did the satisfaction of the crimes outweigh the fines? #AskJPM
— Schoun (@schoun) November 13, 2013
What's your favorite type of whale? #AskJPM
— Matt O'Brien (@ObsoleteDogma) November 13, 2013
Why aren't you in jail for sending a literal ton of gold bullion to Iran in violation of sanctions? #AskJPM — emptywheel (@emptywheel) November 13, 2013
Oh, there are some thousands more, with new ones popping up every few seconds. A great participation rate. The JPMorgan P.R. team should be proud? What? Really? Why do you have to do that?
Tomorrow's Q&A is cancelled. Bad Idea. Back to the drawing board.
— J.P. Morgan (@jpmorgan) November 14, 2013
The questions that #AskJPM solicited, as the New York Times puts it in its New York Times voice, were "a stream of ribald questions and hostile jokes." Many weren't even fit for print in a family newspaper like the Times (which nevertheless finds ample space to publish vulgarities like this). And sure, many of the "questions" were "HEY JPM, I WILL SIT ON YOUR FACE" type missives. But there were some real questions, too, and sharp ones. Mostly from smart people like David Dayen and Alexis Goldstein (all hail!).
Anyway, affixing a "kick me" sign to your back quite like this is only something a poorly run company would do and Jamie Dimon should be fired for this, too. Not really. But yes.
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