I'm concerned for a dear friend of mine who may be bipolar. Her mood swings are destructive and emotionally violent -- the smallest criticism, or even a misunderstood compliment, will send her into a corner of defensive darkness. This happens daily. She relies on me to keep her going in life, insisting "she can't live without me" -- except I don't know how much longer I can hold ship. Last time I tried to distance myself from her, she tried to kill herself. I'm doing my best but I'm feeling trapped by the situation.

Those of us in her circle of friends have tried to get her to see a doctor, but she always is offended by the suggestion. What do I do? How can I compel her to see someone? And if she won't, how much does one give to another person? I enjoy being her friend, but I don't like being her constant life vest.

Walking on Broken Glass

Dear Bleeding Feet,

Your friend is awfully immature to behave like this and refuse to get help. What to do is just a huge conundrum. I suggest that you and the circle of friends have a meeting and discuss what to do about her, and consider setting up an appointment with a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist, and then meet with her. In this meeting you can tell her how much you all value her -- and some of the things you particularly appreciate in her -- and then simply recount a few of the observations you've all made about her distress. Those of you who've benefited from therapy should say so. Then tell her of the appointment and have one of you offer to go with her for the first session to break the ice. If you do this, briefly describe to the counselor the things you've seen (which have already been recounted to her), and offer to leave. I would think she could accept this if you're united in your resolve. 

Dear Mr. Blue,

I am 34 years old, deliriously happy in my marriage and very satisfied with the life we have created for ourselves. I am four months pregnant with our first child -- therein lies my conflict. I have always thought, "Sure, I suppose I'll have children," but I have never been ecstatic about it like some of my friends have. I have never enjoyed being around other people's babies, but think that some toddlers are pretty cute. I guess I feel guilty for being so ambivalent about this. Part of me knows that I'll be a good parent and that I'll probably greatly enjoy my own baby, but I'm also so afraid of losing myself and my own identity. There are so many things that I still love to do and dream about doing, some of them wild and crazy and fun.

Do you think that as a woman with a baby, I can still hold onto my fun and dreams?

Anxious About Change

Dear Anxious,

Ambivalence is as common as sore feet or a runny nose. Stick around and it will pass, and meanwhile do what you must do to navigate the straits of pregnancy: exercise, stay off the gin, avoid ghosts, eat pickles and never make eye contact with a dead possum. I'm sure you'll be a good mother, and as this little bean sprout gets bigger and starts dancing inside you, the reality of motherhood will come over you, and you'll put ambivalence on the shelf where it belongs. Wild and crazy and fun are exactly the sorts of things that kids love, so you're in luck there. As soon as you get the wee bairn up and running, you can strap it on your back and go be (fairly) wild and (moderately) crazy and have plenty of fun. The kid will enjoy having a mature and brainy mother with a sense of adventure. Lucky child, lucky you.

Dear Mr. Blue,

My wife and I are friends with another couple, and I've always had a crush on the woman, who is a stunner, and within the last six months, I've started to fantasize about her sexually. Every time I make love to my wife, I can't help having thoughts of "Nicole" being in bed with me instead. Should I try to suppress these thoughts, or should I just consider them harmless fantasies as long as I'm loyal to my wife in reality?

Mentally Cheating

Dear Mentally,

Apparently these thoughts trouble you, and so I think you should exert control over them and demonstrate to yourself that you can. One permits a free play of erotic thoughts in lovemaking and one does not censor, so long as the thoughts are fun and exciting, but when you feel uneasy, it's time to put them in the drawer.

Maya Angelou reads from "The Heart of a Woman"