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Episode 7: The tawdry and the damned | 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6


But after spending the night consummating her relationship with "a perfect guy" (not her boyfriend) in "a perfect place" (on TV), the entire experience "quit becoming a party and started becoming a journey."

A journey into total bullshit.




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"Have you found some answers?" Walberg asks.

"You have no idea," she says. (Well, we have some idea.)

"Of course, I don't want to hurt Billy, but I am prepared to say some things to him that he's not going to want to hear."

Actually, they both wind up saying things we don't want to hear, so we won't dwell much.

Mandy's speech: "I saw something new in you that I'd never seen before ... a side you'd hidden from me, and it hurt so badly. But the major thing that I learned ... is that I've been able to give myself the power to let go of you ... and I had a intimate moment with someone ... Though it was nice and comforting and new, it wasn't my boyfriend. I want us to be together for rest of lives and never play this game again."

Billy can't speak. Finally, he says that he, too, made "a strong emotional connection" with someone. Someone who -- as she once demonstrated in the butterfly forest -- likes to masturbate with insects.

Billy's speech: "I learned I can make emotional attachments to people other than you ... But this is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I never want to do it again. If you'll have me I promise I'll love you forever."

It just dawned on us what this show is about: hugging and learning. There also seem to be a lot of connections that are made along the journey. And we mean there are a lot of "connections" made on a lot of journeys.

Every time one of the characters opens his or her mouth, it's to talk about a "connection" made on a "deep level" or a "bond" that his been formed on the "journey." When did "trying to get someone else into bed" become a "journey" and "getting laid" become "making a connection?" Does it have anything to do with Oprah?

The moment we've been waiting for, of course, is the moment Kaya -- glowing as though lit from within by a thousand dim bulbs -- dumps his surly love for a hot M.D. who has no qualms about posing nude for men's magazines.

When Walberg asks how he's feeling, Kaya responds,

"I'm great. I'm really, really great."

Great!

Walberg asks him why didn't he ask Megan on the final date. Kaya says, "I shared a really special date with her. But Alison was my first date, and I was inhibited."

Kaya -- like Frampton before him -- comes alive as he describes the "connections" he made with both Megan and Alison, both in the span of a single day, calling the two days he spent with them as two of the best two days of his life.

As the drums go into an innuendo-fueled percussive frenzy, we are certain that Valerie is screwed.

Valerie, of course, approaches Walberg warily.

"Hi, Valerie. How are you," he asks.

"I'm awright."

Of all the people on "Temptation Island," Valerie here is the toughest to look at. She's puffy and has bags under her eyes. She looks like she's been hit by a pleasure boat.

The best part of the experience is everything she learned about herself. The worst part is the fear that he did something and decided he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. She smiles sadly.

Mark looks at her sadly, "I can understand that."

She stops smiling.

When Kaya comes out, Valerie reveals a little Valerie secret.

Valerie's speech: "You and I both know that in past relationships I sometimes acted on temptation. Obviously, I must have found something exhilarating from that. But now I derive exhilaration from my relationship with you and not from acting on temptation. So, obviously my confusion is you're the one I want to be with."

Kaya looks worried. He tells her the real reason why he didn't wave to her when she saw him and Alison on the beach:

"I didn't see you. I can't see long distance without my glasses."

. Next page | "Je ne regrette rien!"
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