It's very hard being an angry militant black man.
First, I have to wake up every morning and say a minimum of 68 "The White Man Is Evil" meditations, which is then immediately followed by my morning run (I have to be in shape ... for the revolution). I take wide strides while listening intently to my Farrakhan and Rev. Wright mixtape. (Yes, there's a mixtape.) Then I come home and sing Negro spirituals to remind myself that slavery happened. That way, when I run into white people (which I try not to, but it happens ... like scurvy), I can be at maximum rage level and can scream at them for all the ills that are within the black community.
Some of you are thinking to yourself, "I knew it." And to that special, very stupid group I say "calm the 'eff down."
People think I'm way more angry than I actually am. Am I annoyed at 95 percent of race and political news that I come across? Absolutely. But I'm not an angry militant. I'm just ... observant. (Black Truth #7) I'm not looking for things to be pissed off about. I have never woken up in the morning and thought, "Ya know what I want? To complain about racism. MAN, that would be awesome."
I much prefer to do silly things. I was slightly obsessive over my Kill/Death ratio on the XBox 360 game "Modern Warfare 2" (I still suck.) I'm a big fan of the TV show "Chuck," and I've threatened to throw my television out of the window if "Lost" ends badly. (Fool me once, shame on "Battlestar Galactica." Fool me twice...) I enjoy regular old crap way more than discussing race. Of the top three things that I want to do in a day, discussing race and politics is never in the mix. Know what makes me happy?
Brunch.
Yes. I brunch (verb). I love the look of confusion on people's faces (black or white) when I first tell them that. (It's almost as if you can see their eyes saying "Does he know he's a 6-foot, 200+ pound Negro? You guys don't do that.") (Black Truth #6)
But it's true. Salmon carpaccio, a medium rare cheeseburger, and a mimosa at 2 in the afternoon is what I like to call "perfect." I often mix my bursts of outrage on Twitter with random boasts of Brunching Hard. To some this is really confusing. You can't rage against the machine and then immediately post a ridiculous boast of brunching aptitude with a Twitpic of food! KEEP YOUR PRIORITIES IN ORDER.
Nonsense.
To stay embroiled continuously in debate over the deep-rooted issues in this country is to say, "I don't want to laugh unironically, ever." I can't sign up for that. I tell people who read my posts that they'll have to absorb some hip-hop references, geektastic mentions, and some brunch bragging to deal me. I've even taken it to another level. I recorded the following video as an ode to my brunch love. A bit of hometown pride mixed into one of the silliest yet most enjoyable things I've produced to date. Please take a look at the official music video of "We Brunch Hard." I hope you enjoy it.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to go stare menacingly at white babies.
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