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There's nothing more rewarding than watching footage of people standing in line. Where would local news be without it? A television reporter, microphone in hand, reporting live from a multiplex -- that's what journalism is all about.
When Harry Potter made the transition from being a cult favorite with bookish youngsters to becoming the bloated product of an entertainment conglomerate, we all gained. We got the many hours of footage of people waiting in line, and an overlong movie that opened to mixed reviews.
But there was also a downside.
The Internet, home to strange phenomena, is haven for a group of women who write what is called "slash" fiction. The stories began as fan fiction around 1976, and featured the sexual pairing of Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. Those stories came to be labeled K/S, and then "slash" for short, and started to feature other pop culture males seized by passion -- Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson, of course, Hercules and his buddy Iolus, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, etc.
It seems there is now a new subset of this fiction, Harry Potter slash, in which Harry and his arch-enemy Draco Malfoy become seized by passion and fall into each other's arms. Here's a sample, quoted by the San Francisco Chronicle, from a novella called "Irresistible Poison":
What just happened? He knew bloody well what just happened. He just kissed Harry Potter, that's what happened. The thought of it made him nauseated, even though at the very same time an entrenched part of him yearned for the perverse, forbidden pleasure of it all over again.I suppose I should be outraged and dumbstruck by this hyperbolic depiction of underage shenanigans, but it's difficult for me to get bent out of shape about the nasty doings of the imaginary, whatever age.
Still, I find it interesting that these torrid tales are written pretty much exclusively by women. Reading this excerpt I found my mind drifting. If women fans can imagine the unlikely couplings of Starsky and Hutch, say, could I imagine myself as a woman fan who writes this sort of thing? And if I were the kind of woman who wrote this sort of thing, what sort of thing would I write?
Elmer's hands caressed the long silky ears of his arch-enemy. His voice was a husky whisper. "Wemove that cawwot you pesky wabbit, and kiss me ..."
Maybe. Or ...
"Loosen that tie, Brokaw," Peter Jennings murmured.
How about ...
Slowly, sensuously, David Letterman removed his socks, feeling Jay Leno's piercing eyes follow every move he made.
Or even ...
"Son, you know I like your music, but that's not the only thing I like about you ..." The Colonel's voice broke off. Elvis turned, hesitantly, his heart pounding in his throat.The possibilities are endless, roaming wildly over space, time and reality. Rocky and Bullwinkle. Walt Disney and Stephen Spielberg. Nixon and Kissinger.
As a matter of fact, we could all just roll our own slash, if we're into that sort of thing. I've even made a slash template for you. Mix and match! And have fun.
___________'s strong hands seized ________ roughly, and pulled him close. "I've waited so long for this," he said quietly. __________ could only shiver and cling to ________, wanting the moment never to end, and at the same time never begin.Feel free to use this any way you want. You can set up your own Web site, e-mail your porn to a friend or just enjoy it in the privacy of your own home. But make sure to sign it "Anonymous," and don't tell anybody you got it from me. 'Nuff said.Pick two for each slash template you fill out: Clark Kent, Bill Clinton, Thomas Jefferson, Tonto, Thor, Winston Churchill, Lex Luthor, Jar Jar Binks, Larry King, Newt Gingrich, Norman Mailer, Rudolph Giuliani, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, the Little Prince, Tom Sawyer, Julius Caesar, Harrison Ford, Jack from the Jack-in-the-Box commercials, Bill Gates, Wyatt Earp, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Waits, Merle Haggard, Jack Webb, Rod Serling, a Keebler elf, Alice Cooper, O.J. Simpson, Spongebob Squarepants, William Safire, Attila the Hun, Slobodan Milosevic, Osama bin Laden, George W. Bush, Vlad the Impaler, Daffy Duck, Grover from "Sesame Street," Pillsbury Doughboy.
Now shut up and kiss me, you big lug.
Salon reviews of Harry Potter films:
"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"
The long-awaited movie is faithful to J.K. Rowling's book, but the fantasy isn't very fantastic and the evil just isn't dark enough.
By Andrew O'Hehir, Salon
"Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"
Despite terrific special effects and funnier gags, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" finds a way to make J.K. Rowling's marvelous series into a deadly bore.
By Stephanie Zacharek, Salon
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
Hippogriffs, Dementors and Harry, oh my! Director Alfonso Cuaron finally decants the essence of J.K. Rowling's work and brings us one of the greatest fantasy films of all time.
By Stephanie Zacharek, Salon
"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
Harry and his friends are growing up, but this latest Potter film may leave you struggling with your own childhood demons.
By Stephanie Zacharek, Salon
"Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"
Patches of magical beauty rescue this sprawling adaptation of the fifth book in J.K. Rowling's beloved series.
By Stephanie Zacharek, Salon
"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"
The sixth film in J.K. Rowling's series has beautiful special effects, and something even more rare: Magic.
By Stephanie Zacharek, Salon
Other Salon articles related to the films:
Harry Potter doesn't get "Blue Velvet"
The boy has no profound psychosexual life, which keeps the film from being dangerous -- and important.
By David Thomson, Salon
Harry Potter and the art of screenwriting
Michael Goldenberg talks about the pleasures and pitfalls of adapting "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" for the big screen.
By Rebecca Traister, Salon
The sexual awakening of Hermione
How "Harry Potter" star Emma Watson is navigating the tricky transition from adorable child actor to mature adult.
By Joy Press, Salon
Salon reviews of Harry Potter books:
"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"
"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," like all great escapist reading, takes you happily back to where you already were.
By Charles Taylor, Salon
"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
With her fourth Harry Potter book, J.K. Rowling takes her young hero to his darkest adventure yet.
By Charles Taylor, Salon
"Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"
No, Hogwarts isn't a hotbed of drugs, smoking and sex (at least not yet). But J.K. Rowling's rich and huge new installment unmistakably brings our bespectacled hero into adolescence.
By Laura Miller, Salon
"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"
Harry learns more about his mysterious nemesis -- and the brutal reality of being 16 -- in J.K. Rowling's tricky, but ultimately satisfying, penultimate volume in the "Harry Potter" series.
By Laura Miller, Salon
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"
Does J.K. Rowling's final installment, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," provide the magical ending to the beloved series her readers so desperately long for?
By Laura Miller, Salon
Other articles related to the books:
Dumbledore? Gay. J.K. Rowling? Chatty.
What happens when authors like J.K. Rowling can't stop telling their own stories?
By Rebecca Traister, Salon
A.S. Byatt and the goblet of bile
The author's recent New York Times Op-Ed shows that she doesn't understand why so many of us love Harry Potter. Maybe it's just too much fun.
By Charles Taylor, Salon
A list of their own
Has Harry Potter changed the course of the New York Times Book Review -- and the children's book market -- for good or for evil? It depends on whom you ask.
By Kera Bolonik, Salon
Of magic and single motherhood
Bestselling author J.K. Rowling is still trying to fathom the instant fame that came with her first children's novel.
By Margaret Weir, Salon
Harry Potter's girl troubles
The world of everyone's favorite kid wizard is a place where boys come first.
By Christine Schoefer, Salon
Can 35 million book buyers be wrong? Yes.
The cultural critics will, soon enough, introduce Harry Potter into their college curriculum, and The New York Times will go on celebrating another confirmation of the dumbing-down it leads and exemplifies.
By Harold Bloom, The Wall Street Journal
On the Potter lifestyle:
Potterpalooza
For the Quidditch players, wizard rockers and would-be witches who gathered at a New Orleans Harry Potter convention, this is the dawning of their summer of love -- and loss.
By Rebecca Traister, Salon
For Harry Potter fans about to rock, we salute you
A global network of Potter-influenced bands inspired kids like 8-year-old Darius to make their own wizard rock. Will fans keep the music alive?
By Elisabeth Donnelly, Salon
The end of the affair
For almost a decade, Harry Potter and Tony Soprano have been my intimate companions. Now it's time to disentangle myself from their lives and say goodbye.
By Rebecca Traister, Salon
Wizard people, dear reader
The first chapter in the famed unauthorized "re-telling" of the Harry Potter films.
When all movies are 3D, will anyone care anymore?
Looking Forward to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter
Open Call: The Underrated Talents of Jason... Who?
Farewell, Robert B. Parker