Drama Queen for a Day: Outings to hell and back

It's approximately 5,987 degrees outside, your air conditioner is on the skids and Junior is simply no longer interested in pouring juice into ice cube trays and making popsicles. No, he wants to go out. He wants to go somewhere fun -- like Disneyland or the Jungle, someplace where the air is fragrant with warm french fries and loony music pipes subliminally into your heat-addled brain. As you sift through the pot luck at the bottom of your purse for the aquarium membership, you wonder: How long will a container of yogurt stay fresh in a diaper bag during mid-July? And if it went bad, how would I know?

Alas, summer means it's outing time -- those plein-air excursions that provide mother and child time to share an experience of the greater community (toting a stroller down three sets of subway steps as the train pulls up), time to learn together (if you leave the tadpole water on the patio, the dog will drink it). Oh, how schlepping over to the museum/zoo/water park/mall with Junior's knapsack/bag of Cheerios/Power Rangers in tow is just the way you want to ride out a heat wave! And we know you'd rather spend 45 minutes looking for parking or taking three forms of public transportation and making six transfers -- just to read the zookeeper's notes that accompany the baby marsupial exhibit, since the baby marsupials are nowhere to be seen -- than, say, go get a pedicure with your girlfriend.

Ever taken your kid on an outing when gorillas spit vegetable matter all over your videocam? Or the twins started a rock fight in front of L'Orangerie? This month we ask you to share Your Worst Outings.  Send your tales of woe to dramaqueen@salonmagazine.com by July 19, 1998.

As for the winners of the Mother of All Mothers Drama Queen Contest -- what was the worst deed your mother ever did to you -- click on the names in the left-hand column. The queen and her court have "outed" their evil foremothers and now their heinous acts shall remain forever buried in the past -- and in the archives of this magazine.

Drama Queen for a Day + R.F. Missus +
Morna McHargue + Jennifer Klein