Waiting for Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas to pooh-pooh those reports of a prenuptial agreement that will allegedly net the actress $2.8 million for every year the marriage lasts, and a honkin' bonus if she catches her new hubby messin' around? You may as well start breathing again. It ain't gonna happen.
"I think prenups are brilliant," Zeta-Jones chirps in the January issue of Vanity Fair, admitting that under her prenup with Douglas, "I get taken care of very well."
But don't go thinking her love of legal documentation has anything to do with money, age or her husband's notorious roving eye. Oh no.
"If I were marrying someone of lesser fortune who was 25 years younger, I'd be doing exactly the same thing," Zeta-Jones insists. "Why should Michael be in a position where half of his fortune, which he's worked bloody hard for, lands in someone else's lap?"
The actress does, however, refute reports that the two feuded while hammering out the document's details. "It wasn't a nasty experience for me," she says. "It was like 'Thank God that's done ... let's get on with it.' It was signed and put in the bottom of a drawer, hopefully never to be seen again."
Anyone taking bets?
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Cigars are one thing ...
"Too risky for my reputation."
-- Monica Lewinsky, explaining why she felt compelled to skip out of a New York party when someone lit up a joint.
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Matt Damon's thong song
Whoa, whoa! Before those rumors about Matt Damon getting nekkid in the upcoming flick "All the Pretty Horses" break into a full gallop, the actor would like to rein them in.
True, his character, John Grady, does do a little riding in the buff in the Cormac McCarthy novel on which the movie is based, but Damon himself kept his horsey parts covered during filming. Director Billy Bob Thornton made sure of it.
"For the movie, only the horse is nude," Damon tells the Calgary Sun. "I was wearing a bikini and Billy Bob shot around it to make me look nude, so if pictures start appearing on the Internet, they've been doctored."
In other words, you may find out if the horse is hung like an actor, but you won't learn if Damon is hung like a ... oh, never mind.
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Like a candle in the wind
"He was incandescent with rage."
-- Elton John's former manager and lover John Reid on how the singer reacted when details of his spending habits were revealed in British tabloids.
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Longing to pee free
Things got a little deep recently when Self magazine enlisted Jewel to teach a writing workshop for 17 eighth graders at New York's Lab School.
Fame, the singer/poet informed her young students, has its drawbacks.
"Because you're famous, people automatically feel like 'Why is she so great? Why aren't I?' Which is a really valid question. I'm all for questioning that. But when people come and get in your face ..."
Or perhaps in more personal areas. Like the time she got recognized on her way into a stall in a public restroom. "Oh my God," exclaimed the woman in next stall. "I'm going to hear Jewel pee!"
Or, she tells the magazine after class is dismissed, the time she "was at the gynecologist getting a sonogram, and the lady who was giving it -- I mean, she had the frickin' wand jammed up there and her face is kind of near mine, and she says, 'So tell me. Are you doing a show here anytime soon?'
"And I'm going, 'Lady, I can't breathe! You're hitting my tonsils! Damn!'"
Perhaps next time she should teach sex ed.
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Juicy bits
Looks like Angelina Jolie has her work cut out for her. The makers of the computer game Tomb Raider have decided to give heroine Lara Croft a bigger, better-defined bustline and a rounder bottom to boost holiday sales for the game's latest edition. "We have given Lara more definition," a spokeswoman for the game's creator told the U.K. Sun of the character Jolie will play in an upcoming movie. "It is not a case of making her vital statistics bigger; we have just added more detail. It is an illusion to make her look more rounded." No, it won't work for the rest of us.
Never the Twain shall meat? According to a poll conducted by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, Shania Twain is the sexiest vegetarian alive. The country singer beat out fellow veggies Drew Barrymore, Pamela Anderson, Woody Harrelson, Prince, Ashley Judd and Alicia Silverstone for the honor. "I don't eat meat, fish or eggs," says Twain, who's been a vegetarian since she married a non-meat-eater back in '93. "I was never a big meat eater, but I've got more energy now." But can the same be said for her dog, Tim, who is also fed meat-free meals? Woof!
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