John Travolta, huddling in the dark

The third winner of our Celebrity Dreams essay contest stumbles upon the caged Scientologist in a moment of angelic self-abuse.

Published December 7, 2000 8:00PM (EST)

... and it chased me along the top ledge of the gymnasium. The ledge was lined with windows, through which I could see the prom. I reached the end of the ledge and jumped, landing behind my apartment building.

A very large wooden crate, about the size of a car, was set among the dumpsters. A group of 12 scientists, all wearing white lab coats and carrying clipboards, joined me. I, too, had become a scientist. I looked into a small opening in the crate's base, and saw John Travolta, huddling in the dark. He was an angel, with huge wings. He was also masturbating. After a moment, he came, expelling a glowing, spherical green ball. One of the scientists behind me pointed at the ball and said, "That is evil."

Then it caught up with me, and I started running ...


By Paul Harm

Paul Harm lives in Pittsburgh, Penn.

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