Poor Amber Brkich can't seem to score a million bucks, no matter what she does.
While her "Survivor" cohort, rice princess Jerri Manthey, is presumably still "open to negotiation" to strip for Playboy for a large fee and show Colby what he passed up, Amber is giving it away for free.
Well, not all of it, but certainly enough to get the general idea. The pretty -- in a milquetoast sort of way -- 22-year-old administrative assistant from Pennsylvania will doff most of her duds to appear in a "sexy profile" in Stuff magazine's July issue.
Like Manthey, Brkich recently indicated that money would be her main posing motivator, telling TV Guide Online, "I'm sure there's a lot of people out there that, if they got offered that much money, they might go ahead and do it." But she's getting neither cash nor fresh rations for her Stuff posing pains.
Furthermore, Amber may well be jeopardizing her chance at the big Playboy bucks in the process. "If a women was depicted in a publication that could be considered competitive with ours, we would likely think twice about approaching her ourselves," Playboy spokesman Bill Farley tells me. "We like to be first (and who doesn't?). If she were in a publication not directly competitive with Playboy but her sexy photos received huge media attention, we would also likely shy away."
Farley, meanwhile, will not comment on whether Manthey will disrobe in an upcoming issue. "Part of the fun is surprising our readers," he says.
So Stuff, which Amber calls "a more respected magazine," isn't even slipping the poor dear a measly Ziploc bag of rice?
"Oh no," a spokeswoman for the men's mag insists. "She's not being paid."
Not much of a reward challenge.
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Do they really want to hurt him?
"A lot of people would like me to just fuck off and open a grocery store in the suburbs."
-- Boy George on managing to bask in the spotlight way longer than anyone ever thought possible, in Spin.
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Necking with Julia
Julia Roberts: pinhead?
If the posters on one knitting bulletin board are to be trusted, the pretty woman's noggin's either really, really small -- or she's not very handy with a measuring tape.
According to the Ample-Knitters list, the neck of a sweater pattern that Roberts, famous for her handy ways with a pair o' needles and a skein or two, printed in the late, lamented McCall's a couple months back has a teensy, weensy neck that most normal human beings would have a tough time getting into.
"Just a word of caution on this sweater," one poster warns. "We have discussed it at length on the Ample-Knitters list, and according to the gauge & pattern direction, this sweater's neck is 13"! And while a lot of folks have nice small necks, most heads aren't going to accommodate a neck size that small."
And since the stitch is notably non-stretchy, the "Julia Roberts Pullover" ... probably won't.
"Ample-Knitters is for plus-sized people, but heavy people don't have bigger heads than other humans," another list member tells me, pointing out that most people's heads are around 21-24 inches. "One wonders if Julia wears this sweater herself? How big is her head, anyway?"
That last question is one we've all asked ourselves many, many times.
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Talking Head fears shaking booty
"I'm a little self-conscious about dancing in public, so for a while I'd go to Latin clubs because nobody knew me. And I could dance badly and no one noticed or cared."
-- David Byrne on the freedom of incognito public dancing, in the Toronto Sun.
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Juicy bits
Does MTV know how to pick 'em or what? "Real World" cast member Jamie Murray (part of the New Orleans group) was arrested over the weekend for allegedly bungee jumping off San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. After plunging 150 feet, the 23-year-old whippersnapper apparently became tangled in his cords and dangled for about 15 minutes until the California Highway Patrol came to his rescue. "He could have died," the CHP officer who rescued him was moved to comment. Why'd he do it? Murray issued the following statement: "This jump is my way of drawing attention to the need for a positive movement of personal growth and social healing." Huh?
You can tune a piano, but you can't make people shell out their hard-earned dough to see a bunch of washed-up bands from the '70s. Promoters have canceled a three-day rock concert that was to be held next weekend in Phoenix featuring REO Speedwagon, Kansas and Steppenwolf after fewer than 400 tickets were sold. "Nobody was calling. We couldn't believe it," promoter Sheila Barr told the Associated Press. Another concert spokeswoman said inadequate promotion and an overall slump in the concert industry were to blame. Right, it couldn't possibly be that no one could stand to hear "Magic Carpet Ride" another time without jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge.
I'm sure this will come as a tremendous disappointment to many of you, but it looks like Bette Midler's "Canceled" -- the book about her canceled series -- has itself been canceled. According to the New York Daily News, the decision to walk away from the $1 million deal was made by Midler and her manager/partner, Bonnie Bruckheimer, who was to be her coauthor. Maybe the publisher should contact the members of REO Speedwagon, Kansas and Steppenwolf.
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