Britney, Christina ... you have an admirer old enough to be your grampy and creepy enough to be your worst nightmare: Ted Nugent.
The man who serenaded the world with "Cat Scratch Fever" and "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" says he's lapping up the musical pap that Spears and Aguilera are dishing out.
While Nugent admits it's "looking at their bodies" that "gets [him] in the door," it's their "soulful" music that brings tears to his aged eyes.
"I think what they do as young ladies, there's a level of soul in their voices that defies their years," Nugent opines in the Calgary Sun. "I think they have incredible talents even though it's extremely pop at times and borderline on pap, but they're putting their heart and soul into it."
Just imagine what they could do with "Yank Me Crank Me."
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When saddlebags attack
"The special effects makeup people offered to get me a really comfortable chair so I could sleep through most of the [fat suit fitting] process. I told them absolutely not. I didn't want to suddenly wake up and be fat. I might never want to sleep again."
-- Julia Roberts on the fatness fears stirred up by her role in "America's Sweethearts."
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More bootylicious than Barbie?
Speaking of plastic figures ... The young members of Destiny's Child are planning to release dolls created in their own images this holiday shopping season.
According to the Scottish Daily Record, the glam dolls will be accessorized to the high-tech hilt, with headset mics, cellphones and ... Palm Pilots.
A spokesperson for frontwoman Beyoncé Knowles' father, Matthew Knowles, says he believes that "the girls can easily outsell Britney Spears."
Well, maybe if you add all three together (and throw in a few of those members who came and went). But what I want to know is, will the Michelle Williams doll include her moustache, which she claims she only recently had waxed?
"You ought to see what I had," the formerly hirsute singer tells Esquire. "It was just a part of what I was -- my 'tache was my boyfriend. Some guys like a girl with a moustache. Not a full-grown beard but some men thought it was sexy if a girl had a little fuzz up there."
Electric razor sold separately.
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Redheaded strangers
"It's like a young outlaw-older outlaw thing."
-- Willie Nelson on his duet with Kid Rock, in USA Today.
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Juicy bits
Watch your backs, Siegfried and Roy. Carmen Electra is rolling onto the Las Vegas strip to star in her own show. The former "Baywatch" babe will sing and dance in "Lumiere," a show that will include illusions, stunts and special effects, at the Aladdin hotel-casino 12 times a week for the next two years, the Associated Press reports. "We knew we needed someone who is both a superstar and a multifaceted performer to make it work," the show's producer, David Tumaroff, said of his new star. I suppose multifaceted is one way to put it.
The rest of us may still blame him for inflicting that horrible "Miami Vice" look on us back in the '80s, but one woman is blaming Don Johnson for more than that. She says he grabbed her crotch and made lewd advances toward her (she thought he just wanted to give her a hug) in an encounter in an upscale San Francisco sushi bar last January. And last week, the unidentified woman filed a lawsuit against him seeking unspecified monetary damages for sexual battery, assault and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Lesson: Next time you see an aging TV star with no socks and facial stubble coming towards you, duck.
Whether Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf are married or engaged or not depends on whom you talk to. But one thing is certain: she's preggers and he's thrilled. "This is a very exciting time for us," Agassi gushed to the press. "We are so happy to have been blessed with this gift." And Graf's mother told the German newspaper Bild Zeitung that her new grandbaby, due in November, will be a boy. But forget the blue booties -- just send tennis whites.
This is bound to be better than "Battle of the Network Stars"! Melissa Gilbert and Valerie Harper have announced that they'll fight each other for leadership of the Screen Actors Guild, making it a contest between Laura Ingalls from "Little House on the Prairie" and Rhoda Morgenstern from "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" and "Rhoda." According to the Hollywood Reporter, Harper has already been endorsed by outgoing SAG president William Daniels. And I'm sure she can count on Carlton the Doorman's vote.
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