If there's one thing we can all learn from the events of Sept. 11, it's how Gwyneth Paltrow felt about being stalked by that 51-year-old pizza deliveryman.
Though the unfortunate fellow is now in an institution, Paltrow tells the upcoming issue of USA Weekend magazine that, for her, his interest in her felt just like a terrorist attack.
"It's a feeling like you never know what's around the corner. You don't know if your child will inhale anthrax or if there's a small nuclear device," she says, drawing a rather convoluted comparison. "If people are taking this terrorist attack personally, then they know what it's like to be stalked."
But even though she may be better understood now than ever, she's still suffering from sadness -- or "malaise," as she puts it -- in the days since 9/11.
"I've been very depressed. I'm off. I'm not myself," she tells the magazine. In fact, she says, even promoting her own movies "feels idiotic, frankly, in the wake of Sept. 11."
It's times like these that Paltrow turns to Madonna for support.
"She's like an older sister to me," she says. "Anything I've been through, she's been through 10 times worse, 10 times more and 10 times longer. She gives me great advice about saying no and taking care of myself."
In fact, practicing more yoga with Ms. Material is one of the top four things she'd like to do more of in the coming year. The other three? Singing backup for Sheryl Crow, doing more Shakespeare and being alone, naked and hungry on a desert island, as she was for three days in Belize in 1997.
"I want to do something like that again," she says, "maybe Outward Bound."
Maybe she should consult with Madonna about that first ...
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The Dynasty continues
"Percy is such a special human being. I think this person is more in tune with me than anybody I've ever met. I feel more myself with Percy Gibson than I ever have with anyone."
-- Joan Collins, 68, on her 36-year-old boyfriend, Percy Gibson, whom she plans to marry in London in February.
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Britney won't budge
What does Britney Spears have in common with the Fonz? A hard time saying she was "wr-r-r-r ... wrong." And it's driving poor Justin Timberlake batty.
One of Timberlake's greatest wishes for the coming year is to hear Spears say the words "I'm sorry" every once in a while.
"She is one of the most hardheaded people I know," Timberlake tells YM magazine, adding that he means it "in a good way."
"It's funny how when you're with someone the things that you find attractive are also the things that drive you up the wall," he says.
That poor boy needs a cold shower, fast.
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She is sorry ... for Mariah
"I feel really sorry for her, but I don't think it's what she does that has made her feel unhappy. I think sometimes it's something personal. Maybe she takes herself too seriously. A lot of stars believe their own hype and actually think they're some kind of goddess."
-- Britney Spears speculating on the reasons for Mariah Carey's recent meltdown, in Q magazine.
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Jerry the great
Jerry Hall may have bared her bod to Britons in the stage version of "The Graduate" last year, but that's nothing compared to what she revealed Tuesday in the U.K. Sun.
Her first orgasm, she'll have us all know, came courtesy of a horse.
"It was really cold and there was ice on the ground," she recalls. "I wanted to get warm so I opened my coat and lay over my horse. To get warm. It just happened. I was very lucky."
Yeah, but did the horse get lucky too?
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