Christina Aguilera would like to make something perfectly clear: She is not now, nor has she ever been, the subject of a certain porn videotape bearing her name that's been making its way around X-rated Web sites. (I haven't seen it myself, but I guess it's even racier than Aguilera's "Lady Marmalade" video.)
"It has recently come to our attention that certain pornographic Web sites are posting sexually explicit photographs and video footage on the Internet fraudulently representing that it is Christina," reads an "official statement" on Aguilera's official Web site. "The video clips advertised on the Web sites are of a woman with blonde hair shown only from the back -- the person in the video is not Christina."
The singer's people also insist that neither Aguilera nor anyone associated with her has ever met the person who claims to have shot the sexy footage -- and they have half a mind to take said slippery sicko to court.
"Christina's legal representatives have contacted the Web site hosts, and Christina plans to vigorously pursue all necessary action against the individuals responsible, including, if necessary, initiating criminal proceedings," the statement continues. "We regret that there are individuals who engage in such fraud with no regard for the injury to Christina's feelings or reputation."
I mean, like, oh my gosh, you guys, that is just, like, so mean ...
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Speaking of mean ...
Mr. Blackwell has struck again.
This year, the clothes-conscious nastyman has named Anne Robinson fashion weakest link. The haughty British game show host's trademark long dusters, he says, make her look like "Harry Potter in drag."
Last year's winner, Britney Spears (a "re-hashed Madonna ... on a really bad day," according to Blackwell), nabbed the runner-up spot on the worst-dressed list, followed by Juliette Binoche ("Le Gauche Binoche"), Destiny's Child (a "trilogy of taste-free terror") and Bjork, whose Oscar egg-layer Blackwell called a "Swan Lake mistake."
Also in the top 10: Princess Stephanie of Monaco ("Her wardrobe has the allure of nuclear waste"), Kate Hudson ("Looks like a cyclone victim from the OK corral"), Camilla Parker Bowles ("Packs the punch of a dilapidated Yorkshire pudding"), Cameron Diaz ("Chaos in heels, period!") and Gillian Anderson ("A grunge plunge resembling an escape from a Bohemian barbecue").
Although Mr. Blackwell usually holds a press conference to pile on a few more insults, he has had to let this year's awards speak for themselves, as, according to a spokesman, he is recovering from recent throat surgery.
Me, I'm struck dumb by the whole thing too.
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Not struck dumb: Billy Bob
"We had the turkey and all the traditional things. But we decided we wanted something more this year because we had some of the family come over. So we had an ostrich and a roast pig with an apple in its mouth."
-- Billy Bob Thornton on what he and Angelina Jolie ate for Christmas dinner, in Britain's Heat magazine.
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Look who's royally pissed
Temper, temper, Wills?
A royal paparazzo named Clive Postlethwaite has alleged that Prince William charged him on horseback and forced him into a ditch as he tried to photograph him midhunt earlier this week.
"I was standing waiting on a corner of the farm where he was returning. Prince Charles went past first then William saw me and just went mad," Postlethwaite tells the U.K. Telegraph. "He could see me clearly and from a long way off and I did nothing to startle him."
Nevertheless, the hapless snapper says the young royal came galloping toward him "with his eyes wide and his teeth showing," hollering "fucking piss off, Postlethwaite."
A palace spokeswoman told the paper that Postlethwaite's story sounded "a bit unlikely" but allowed that "sometimes if there are lots of photographers around the horses get a bit frisky."
Naysayer.
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