Mike Tyson insists he's not bad; he's just method acting. Left to his own devices, he says, he'd probably come off looking like a distinguished writer of timeless theater.
"No one's gonna buy Mike Tyson as George Bernard Shaw, you know," the petulant pugilist says in the upcoming issue of Details, comparing himself to the quick-witted playwright for no discernible reason. "I just played to what they want to buy ... The cameras get me paid, baby, the cameras get me paid."
Then again, he admits, he doesn't tend to display the traits of the deep-thinking dramatist out of the ring either.
"Believe me, I'm very immature," he says. "I've been spoiled for most of my life."
Let this be a warning to parents everywhere: Spare the rod, raise an ear chomper.
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Not comfortably, anyway
"You can't sit with a picket fence up your ass your whole life."
-- Yann Martel on his motivation to write the book for which he's just won the Booker Prize, "The Life of Pi," to the BBC.
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Size matters
Jon Bon Jovi may be happy with his life overall, but there are still a few things about himself that he thinks could use a little improvement.
For instance, he wouldn't say no to plastic surgery of a certain type.
"Man, if they could make me taller and give me a bigger dick, I'd be into it," he tells Blender magazine.
But other than that, he says, "Everything else is in place."
A great relief to his loved ones, I'm sure.
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Stiletto obsessive complex
"I loved shoes. I loved shoe stores. My devotion to shoes -- and that's an understatement -- has only grown throughout the years."
-- Sarah Jessica Parker paying impassioned tribute to Manolo Blahnik and his spike-heeled creations last week at a fashion awards ceremony in New York, on People.com.
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Life with the Pitts
More evidence to back up Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's claims that their home life is rather dull.
According to Us Weekly, Pitt has felt compelled to spend hours watching videos of the mundane goings-on on the couple's California property in order to make sure there are no intruders on the premises.
"He's become obsessed with the idea that someone is sneaking onto the property, so he gets up about every three hours to check the monitors and replay the video," a source tells the magazine. "It's like a scene from 'Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom' -- skunks, coyotes and possums walking around, going about their business."
Call us when he stops shaking hands and fails to trim his fingernails.
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