Dear Cary,
I love my girlfriend, but many times I don't like her that much. We don't get to see each other that often (long-distance relationship), so she and I both hit on each other up to and during our dates.
However, she has a very frustrating habit when we go out to eat on these dates. She has a stomach condition where if she eats certain types of food, most desserts in particular, she ends up feeling quite ill. When we go out on these dates, when we've been hitting on each other and making advances, she will order dessert, even stating out loud that she's going to pay for it later. Sure enough, she goes to bed as soon as we get back, complaining about her stomach. I'm always wide awake from being rather turned on, and so just sit watching TV rather irritated.
I completely understand if she doesn't feel up to doing anything after a dinner out. However, it makes me quite sexually frustrated when she talks for weeks about what she would like to do to me when she sees me, only to have her go to bed with a dessert rather than me.
I don't want to criticize her because I don't want her to feel like I'm telling her not to have a medical condition. Is there a polite way to tell someone I love that, if she wants dessert, to please not make sexual advances toward me? This is upsetting our sex life quite a bit, as I get so used to being let down that I start to plan on it.
Jealous of the Last Course
Dear Jealous,
It sounds to me like your girlfriend is, consciously or not, trying to avoid having sex with you. There could be many reasons for this. Perhaps on her visits she feels you two proceed too quickly to the bedroom. Perhaps she's trying to slow things down a bit. Perhaps the flirting and playing around are not blatant invitations to sex but aspects of an attempt to go a little more slowly. And perhaps her dessert behavior is a way of giving her an out.
She may not know this. She may not realize what she is doing. So I suggest you try to find out what is going on.
It could be, on the other hand, that no matter how kind and loving you are, you're just no match for a berry cream pie.
One idea would be to make yourself the last course; put the berry cream pie on your body and see if that works!
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