What does the zodiac predict?

If the Redskins' weekend loss was an election predictor, surely we're not above looking to the stars for a glimpse of what Tuesday night might bring. So we checked in with wacky, left-leaning English astrologer Jonathan Cainer, whose site we turn to occasionally for purely journalistic reasons in, uh, moments of tremendous stress. Like now. In addition to posting daily, weekly and monthly astrological forecasts for all 12 signs of the zodiac, Cainer also offers a thoughtful, frequently crunchy "Thought for the Day" about things like visiting Stonehenge, his emotions at witnessing the transit of Venus earlier this year and world peace. For Tuesday, Cainer writes: "When things hang in the balance but no amount of logic or information can help you prophecy the outcome, a horoscope can help. In theory, astrology is the ideal tool with which to foresee tonight's election result. But if the person reading the chart has even the smallest, secret preference, they will see only what they want to see. I am neither a robot nor a saint. I can't swear that the following prediction is entirely objective. But my vision contains a miracle victory for Kerry, soon after which lions shall start lying down with lambs."