Bad ideas

From office proms to Boston driving, TTers weigh in this week on what not to do.

By Salon Staff

Published May 6, 2005 5:40PM (EDT)

Work Life

True Tales of the Office

Fogharty - 10:35 a.m. Pacific Time - April 28, 2005 - #7956 of 8136

OK. So yesterday was Administrative Professional's Day and to celebrate and to honor these hardworking individuals, the Social Committee came up with a super-duper peachy keen idea!

Let's have a prom!

Yes, let's meet in the back room over the lunch hour, bring photos of ourselves at our high school proms, dress up (sorta) with the women wearing corsages (that they must provide themselves) and there will be dance music, and colors and themes and big collages representing the last 40 years of prom life! Oh, and punch! And cookies! And if you choose not to go you are branded as "not a team player."

Is it just me, but I can't see why we just can't just have free food, a quick "you all do a good job" and more free food? Why do they have to wrap up their "appreciation" in these saccharine, gimmicky, cutesy-eutesy displays? I know it's hard for a committee to make anything in the workplace seem like fun but ... still.

Anyway, I'm the office party-pooper now, especially when I mentioned casually how upsetting my prom was, what with Carrie White burning down the gym and all.

I'm also getting to opt out of a team-building meeting today where everyone was told (yesterday) that they must bring lawn chairs. The same person who is organizing the meeting is also on the social committee BTW, and it obviously never occurred to her that maybe some people don't own lawn chairs, or if they do, they park about half a mile away from the building and then will have to lug them up two flights of stairs.

The reason for the lawn chairs that was revealed to me (since I won't be attending) is that the organizer thought they would "look cute" and fit in with the theme of the party, which is "Survivor."

Private Life

Raised in a Barn -- Rude People Galore

David Lettvin - 10:38 a.m. Pacific Time - May 2, 2005 - #4834 of 4920

Boston Driver Courtesy - Oxymoron or What?

Directional Signals

  • They are only used for vehicle inspection.
  • Use is a sign of weakness, telegraphing your intentions and giving other drivers an unfair advantage.
  • It is always proper to use them to let others know what you have just done. For example, block the intersection before signaling.
  • Never use directional signals before changing lanes. Other drivers will speed up to block you.
  • The only proper use of signals to indicate a future maneuver is to use the left-turn signal before making a U-turn on a divided highway.

    Sharing the Road

  • The vehicle most in need of body work always has the right-of-way.
  • On one-way streets, stay to the right to avoid interfering with oncoming traffic.
  • U-turns are always allowed, but Y-turns are better since they tie up more traffic.
  • The lines on the road are only guidelines for traffic at 2 a.m. At all other times assume that every street is as many lanes wide as the number of cars that can fit side-by-side.
  • If the driver ahead of you isn't moving fast enough, pass them on the right. If there's not enough room on the right, pull across the double yellow line to pass on the left. If there still isn't enough room, honk a lot.
  • Boston drivers get bonus points for turning left across three lanes of traffic from the extreme right-hand lane.
  • Do not under any circumstances allow a parked car to pull out into traffic.
  • Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
  • The Registry of Motor Vehicles as a public service installs potholes randomly in key locations to test driving skills and subsidize the automotive repair industry. (It's no accident that the Magliozzi brothers have enough leisure time to host a radio show. Most Boston mechanics, if they confessed their income, would rate just below Bill Gates.)

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