All the guys I'm dating want me to shave down there

Hello, Cary --

I am a 40-year-old single heterosexual woman, living in New York City. Just like thousands of other women I wonder if I will ever find The One, or if I will be a lonely old lady with cats who yells at the neighbors.

I know that nowadays, the style for women is to shave their pubic hair, maybe leaving a tiny strip, à la Brazilian wax. I have dated a few men who have asked me to shave my pubic hair.

The first time I was asked, I tried it -- why not? I thought -- just to see what it would look like.

Well, I am a bit overweight, so it looked like a giant baby's crotch, which grossed me out. It freaked me out even more when the guy liked it. I couldn't stand to see him anymore -- what did he want with a crotch that looked like a baby's? Then of course, when it grew back in, I got all ingrown hairs and it was extremely uncomfortable.

Now, when I date someone, if he mentions that maybe I could shave my crotch, I am so horrified that I can't see him anymore.

So now I am curious. Do most women do this today? Are there guys who don't mind pubic hair au naturel? Or is this another item for my list of criteria (smart, considerate, financially responsible, not boring, hetero) that will make it nearly impossible for me to find someone?

Will I end up a lonely old lady who yells at her neighbors?

My Cats Don't Mind Fur

Dear Furry One,

It has occurred to me lately that I just can't answer some questions, even when the subjects are too intriguing to pass up. Sometimes when that happens, rather than own up to the fact that it's not something I can answer, I try to answer anyway and make a mess of it. So this time I'm just going to own up: I have no idea what women are shaving. I have not been having sex with women other than my wife for about 17 years. So I don't know what their pussies look like. I don't ask, either. I know many women -- I mean, I have friends and all that -- but I don't ask them whether their pussies are shaved or not. So the readers are going to have to help you out with this one. I have no doubt they will. Our readers are helpful and well-informed. They display an inordinate willingness to share their most intimate thoughts and feelings. The most I could do is a good deal of hypothesizing on what the meaning of a full bush vs. the shaved look could be -- the infantilizing of the female genitalia, etc. I could also suggest that pornography has transformed the pussy into a legitimate object of style, like legs or lips; it's so widely represented that it has become public -- though it is still viewed largely in private. That whole area used to be called "your privates." Not anymore. Even your pubic hairs aren't private anymore. Now they're public hairs. Readers?

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What? You want more?