Keep touching yourself, America

Woody Allen said it best: “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” For those of you still unconvinced, the FoxSexpert — yes, there is such a thing — wants to help take the guilt out of your guilty pleasure. Her argument? Masturbation is good for you. Not only is it “a great form of stress relief” — it also eases menstruation pain in women and lowers a man’s risk of prostate cancer. Now where would we be without the FoxSexpert? Wasting time doing yoga? Eating healthy? Learning about her obviously less-important AIDS-related news items, worthy only of her concluding roundup? Thank you FoxSexpert! Whenever I think about you and your medical prowess, I’ll touch myself.