Pet sounds

Members of Salon's Table Talk community share the stuff you can only say to a cat.

Published June 5, 2009 5:06PM (EDT)

House and Garden

Cats & Other Furry Fiends

Fogharty - 08:50 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1467 of 1603

Things You Say to Your Pet That Would Sound Wrong if Said to a Human

"Hey! My bra is not a chew toy!"

OBC - 08:53 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1468 of 1603

You remind me of the time I was giving a co-worker a "cat report" (at her request). When I told her Alex rolls on the floor begging me to rub his tummy, another co-worker said, "If I didn't know Alex was your cat, that would sound very strange!"

fullybaked - 09:28 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1469 of 1603

There are so many strange things I say to the cats, I wouldn't know where to start. I blame a certain amount of it on the fact that I live alone, so I am just making conversation. "So cats, what should we have for dinner?" "Do you guys want to go to bed now?" I guess "Goddammit, stop using the bath mat to bury your shit!" would top the list of 'things that would sound wrong if said to a human.'

Mendocino - 09:52 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1470 of 1603

"Please remove your pointy end from my boob."

Cobrafrat - 09:54 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1471 of 1603

"Do you have to stick your cold nose on my eyelid?"

Wonder Dog - 10:01 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1472 of 160

"Quit humping that blanket."

ambott - 10:02 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1473 of 1603

"I really don't want to see your tail end."

fullybaked - 10:15 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1475 of 1603

"Please don't stick your ass in my face."

Fogharty - 10:36 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1476 of 1603

"Get off the fridge now!"

Mendocino - 10:37 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1477 of 1603

"Would you like some beatins?"

Ms. Anthrope - 11:05 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1478 of 1603

"Would you PLEASE stop making biscuits on my breasts?"

Bruce Jones - 11:12 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1479 of 1603

"How many times do I have to tell you -- stop shitting on the floor!"

Cobrafrat - 11:35 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1480 of 1603

"I am not your speedbump on your racetrack!"

sophierose - 11:49 am Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1481 of 1603

"For God sakes don't roll all over my underpants!"

Kitten - 12:13 pm Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1482 of 1603

"Yay for good pooping!" (OK, one would say this to a child ... but not to an older human.) 

LaDeeVah - 12:17 pm Pacific Time - Jun 1, 2009 - #1483 of 1603

"C'mere, Frankie, your butt needs washing."

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