PornHub is the 75th most popular website in the world, according to Internet analytics company Alexa. The porn site outranks the New York Times, HBO and the Weather Channel in the amount of eyeballs it gets.
While we can't count on much in this world, we can count on porn to refect any weird sexual subgenre one can think of. Listed below are some of the strangest porn genres.
1. Cumming-On-Figurines
If you asked me what this was, my answer would be, exactly what it sounds like. This genre of Internet porn has even earned its own subreddit, where users post images of figurines covered in their… seed. Some guys like to post a single photo. Some like to post a series. And others like to film their experiences. There’s kind of something for everyone here. Some guys get really creative and position their figurines in ways that allow them to better receive their owners. It can, admittedly, look a little freaky (imagine a human penis going after a 4-inch figurine). This genre has even gotten so popular that the subreddit cummingonamiibos was created. For those unfamiliar with the term, amiibos are plastic figurines of Nintendo’s most popular characters, like Mario and Toad. Needless to say, Princess Zelda and Peach tend to get a lot of attention on the thread. And it’s not only guys who are into this kink. One female Reddit user writes, “The more gifs I watched, the more excited I got. Days later, I was still browsing, masturbating furiously, and came up with a fantasy of being shrunk down to fit in a man's palm and being COVERED…” We’ll let you fill in the rest of the sentence.
2. Veggies
When it comes to the porn world, most things are fair game. Especially if they’re shaped like a phallus. It’s good news for production companies, but maybe not so much for your vegetable garden. Cucumbers, carrots, maybe the occasional eggplant – they’ve all made their way onto the porn stage. Earlier this month, Hustler Hollywood got creative and launched a #StopVegetableAbuse campaign in the hopes of getting women to stop “misusing” their vegetables and buy real sex toys instead (from Huster Hollywood stores, of course). Those who are familiar with the world of food porn (and no, I’m not talking about the kind you find documented on Instagram) may have heard of Figging. This practice started as a Victorian-era form of punishment but has since blossomed into a BDSM favorite. Those interested take an intact ginger root, remove the skin, and carve it into the shape of a butt plug. As AlterNet previously reported, “Once inserted, the 'figger' will feel an intense stinging/burning sensation, which for them, translates into sexual pleasure and arousal.”
3. Monster Porn
Also known as Kaiju porn. This genre lends itself to dinosaurs, Godzilla, dragons and demons. Sometimes the creatures sport genitalia that look fairly human. Other times, their bits look like something out of a bad science fiction flick. Either way, it seems they can all ejaculate. And the good thing is they don’t discriminate. There are male monsters, female monsters, male human conquests and female human conquests. There are even monster porn subgroups designed for the LGBTQ community.
4. Giantess Fetish
This one celebrates everything big. And everything small. The giantess fetishis more formally known as macrophilia, a term first introduced by Samuel Ramses in “Introduction to Macrophilia.” While macrophiles (those attracted to the giants) can be male, female, homosexual or heterosexual, the overwhelming majority identify as heterosexual males. Gary Pranzo, owner of Media Impact LLC, owns around 50 websites dedicated to size fetishes. There, Pranzo dips a toe into a number of complementary kinks, like dominance and submission. And it works the other way, too. Microphiles are those whose sexual fantasies center on miniature-sized individuals. A microphile who goes by “Giantess Katelyn” explains on her site, “For me personally, the Giantess fetish is all about the power and size. Nothing gets me soaked faster than towering over a city as a Giantess, my feet so large they could take out entire car-packed streets at a time. It is truly the fetish of the Goddesses—it places the highest power and control possible in the woman’s hands.”
5. Cartoon
You might be thinking, “Oh, I know about anime” or “Yeah, what’s new about hentai?” But those two titles don’t exactly belong in this category. When you think about cartoon porn, think titles like “Nintendo Hotties” (yes, it’s a real porn; yes, Peach appears as you’ve never seen her before; and yes, the original Nintendo theme songs can be heard in the background). If you’re not interested in seeing some childhood favorites get defiled, you should probably steer clear of the genre. Remember the Disney hit Frozen? Yeah, well that got pornified. As did Scooby-Doo, Aladdin (who is in fact circumcised), Jessica Rabbit, Spiderman, Cinderella and more. PornHub has 42 different Family Guy-inspired porn videos. Turns out Lois is a big hit. In one video, she’s seen enjoying a lesbian encounter with Marge Simpson, who comes armed with a strap-on. All in all, it’s pretty weird. Those looking to explore more are invited to visit the site Cartoon Valley, which has one of the biggest collections of cartoon porn on the web.
6. Menstruation
The “menses.” Not exactly a popular choice with everyone, but those who look for it tend to love it, and we can’t fault them for having a particular taste. This genre is pretty self-explanatory, and documents something most of us have experienced in real life. Period sex isn’t for everyone, but before you dismiss it, it’s important to look at the details. During this time of the month, women’s hormones are raging and the possibility of pregnancy is reduced. Menstruation also provides additional lubrication and can help make penetration more comfortable. And asides from all that, having an orgasm seems like a prize way to relieve period cramps. When it comes to the actual porn, there’s a little bit of something for everyone. There’s good old-fashioned sex, closeups of used maxi pads and finger play. Some acts get a little messier. But we’ll let you decide if you want to research further.
7. Lactation Porn
PornHub reports that “milking” is one of the most commonly used adjectives people use when searching for the term “tits.” Lactation porn, also known as milk fetishism or lactophilia, might be more common than you think. It’s one of the most easily searchable genres of porn out there. In fact, I just finished watching a 9-minute compilation video titled “Lactating Big Tits.” Not many points for creativity there. Fans of lactation porn may find themselves in the ANR community, which stands for adult nursing relationship. Others may fall under the category of paraphilic infantilists, or guys who like being treated like babies. In Wood Rocket’s web series “Ask A Porn Star,” performer Allie Haze was asked about the “weirdest” scenes she ever shot. She described a shoot she did for a Japanese company: “They fly over all their male talent from Japan. They have a thing they enjoy I guess …they like to basically suck on your tits and call you ‘Mom.’”
8. Clown Porn
Definitely not everyone’s top choice. Especially those suffering from a crippling fear of clowns (it’s called coulrophobia and it’s actually more common than you’d think). These videos tend to vary. Some are nothing more than two people going at it with painted faces. Others are more elaborate. The 16-minute video “Clown Porn Kelly” is set up like a mock version of “The Dating Game,” but instead of handsome bachelors, you get clowns, and instead of a date, you get a blowjob (or more). In this case, the contestants go by names like “Chibbles” and “Jizzy.” And yes, they do have red noses. There’s even a segment titled “Mime Time.” Other videos employ some classic clowning props (rubber chicken, bowling pins, etc.). There are a lot of things we can say about this genre. But one thing is for sure. Seeing a man receive oral sex with an exaggerated, red smile painted on is a hard image to erase.
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