In general, fixers are supposed to keep a low profile. That standard hasn't held true for President Trump's personal attorney, Michael Cohen, who has found himself in the crosshairs of the investigation into Russia's election interference. Cohen's name and sleepless face has appeared in newspapers and on TV. Yet no story had properly explained who Cohen is until Bill Maher's "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" segment on Friday.
The "Real Time" host could barely keep a straight face as he went through some autobiographical "facts" and "information" about the fixer, none more personal than the first on the list.
"My kids use air quotes when they call me 'a lawyer,'" Maher read.
Cohen's 2018 has not gone as smoothly as he likely anticipated. Federal investigators raided his home, his office, and his hotel room last month to preserve any evidence pertaining to the president. Cohen's conduct relating to adult-film star Stormy Daniels was of special interest to Robert Mueller and the Department of Justice. But that would not be the only suspicious activity investigators gleaned from the raid. In fact, the FBI discovered 16 cell phones in Cohen's possession.
Why would any attorney need 16 cell phones?
"The reason I have 16 cell phones is because I dropped the first 15 in the toilet," Maher joked on Friday.
Being Trump's personal fixer is not a job for the faint of heart. The president was engaged in some shady business before he moved to the White House. And it appears Cohen was Trump's right-hand man every step of the way, always present to clean up the mess. What Trump likely didn't anticipate was that Cohen would hoard text messages and emails and even possibly audio recordings of his interactions with the former reality TV star and real estate baron.
After the FBI raid, Mueller referred the Cohen investigation to the New York federal prosecutor because he came across information suggesting criminal activity.
On Friday, Maher allowed his imagination run wild when he tried to channel his inner Cohen. Reading from the list, Maher explained that it wasn't until Cohen was 45 years old before he found out that ice picks can also be used to pick ice. Maher didn't stop there.
"When I'm stealing a ring off a corpse's hand and it gets stuck, I run it through Don Jr's hair," the HBO personality said of Cohen.
"Did I mention he's a sleazy lawyer?" Maher added.
Watch the entire segment below:
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