For some reason I shouldn't have bothered deciphering, Post Grape-Nuts cereal was trending on Twitter last week. Once I'd confirmed that this was not due to a recall, I — like most Grape-Nuts loyalists — immediately assumed it had to do with people hating it. And indeed, after a bit of digging I traced the possible culprit to a (lowercase-v) viral tweet on Feb. 6 baiting the Twitterverse with, "What is the worst cereal of all time?"
A barrage of votes for Grape-Nuts predictably followed, featuring such enticing descriptors as gravel, sawdust, pebbles, tree bark, ground-up walnut shells and regret. However, my favorite takedown belongs to comedian and author Rodney Lacroix, who in late January tweeted, "I didn't have enough cereal for a full bowl, so I mixed Shredded Wheat with Grape Nuts, and it tastes like I'm eating wicker furniture in a sandstorm."
As I scrolled through the #grapenuts content, I quickly noticed that even replies in defense of the cereal contained little jabs about its flavor and texture.
"I love Grape Nuts!" my friend Matt told me later that day. "It's crunchy birdseed for humans."
The thing is, those of us who've chosen to love this tooth-cracking human kibble (made from neither grapes or nuts) are well aware that it's no Lucky Charms. We accept that our main flex is touting the mind-boggling levels of fiber in a single bowl, which we share with our arms raised in defeat because we know it puts us in the same category as those jerks who like running for fun. Hell, the brand itself embraces its status as the perennial butt of the joke.
"hi (with the intention of defending grape nuts on Twitter)," wrote whatever self-deprecating creative genius oversees the brand's account, in November 2022.
Developed by C.W. Post in 1897, Grape-Nuts is one of the oldest ready-to-eat breakfast cereals still on the market (alongside corn flakes and that edible wicker furniture, shredded wheat). Originally, Post prepared a batter out of wheat and barley that came out of the oven as a rigid sheet, which he broke into pieces and ran through a coffee grinder to yield the nut-sized nuggets. He named it either for its resemblance to grape seeds or as a portmanteau of "grape sugar" (what he called maltose) that formed during the baking process combined with the cereal's "nutty" flavor, according to Post Consumer Brands.
Grape-Nuts were marketed as health food pretty much from the outset, but their comedic potential didn't really flourish until the early 1970s, when the brand recruited quirky naturalist and author Euell Gibbons for a series of commercials that supercharged the cereal's popularity and provided irresistible fodder for comedians.
The ads followed the author of such edible foraging guides as "Stalking the Wild Asparagus" and "Stalking the Wild Herbs" to fields, shores, and woods, where he'd pick leaves, twigs, berries, and cattails ("yes, they're edible!"), occasionally popping one into his mouth before sitting down to a bowl of Grape-Nuts.
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"You ever eat a pine tree?" Gibbons drawled in the most famous 30-second spot touting Grape-Nuts as the "back-to-nature" cereal. "Its naturally sweet taste reminds me of wild hickory nuts," he'd add, parroting the same line he used near the end of each commercial.
The spoofs were quick to follow — and, frankly, required little actual spoofing. In 1973 comedic actor John Byner began parodying Gibbons during regular appearances on "The Carol Burnett Show."
"Ever eat a pine tree?" he deadpanned, donning a Gibbons-esque flannel shirt, bushy white eyebrows and a flyaway white wig. "Ever lick a river?"
Seemingly as far back as half a century, Grape-Nuts adapted the same tactic of a good comedian to sell its polarizing cereal: laugh at yourself before everyone else does.
"It's totally okay to like Grape Nuts," the brand assured me on Twitter in November. (Still got it, I see.)
Turns out, we in the pro camp have another bragging point aside from the increase in regularity from a daily bowl of Grape-Nuts. This is cereal for the self-deprecating humorist.
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