Rating the MAGA mug shots: Donald Trump and his posse pose as supervillains

It's finally here: Donald Trump's mug shot. The former president and lifelong criminal finally got the moment he's no doubt been expecting all his life. He was booked at the Fulton County jail on Thursday, in a RICO case filed by District Attorney Fani Willis that describes him as the leader of a "criminal enterprise" that tried to steal Georgia's 2020 presidential election.

For most people, being arrested on organized crime charges would be a low moment, but Trump and his alleged co-conspirators are leaning into it. They've all tried to strike poses meant to be menacing or carefree in their mug shots, and have celebrated their walks of shame on social media. Sadly, this makes sense. As I've written before, MAGA leaders self-consciously identify as villains, from the way they dress to the bad-guy rhetoric they employ. Trump's "I am your retribution" speech, for instance, gave of strong "wishes he were Tom Hardy playing Bane in a Batman movie" vibes. The Georgia 19 are, for the most part, pampered country-club types, but play-acting as fictitious master criminals is an excellent chance to fundraise by burnishing their malevolent image with the MAGA faithful. 

Unsurprisingly, Trump used the moment to return to Twitter. With his usual delusional grandiosity, he declared, "NEVER SURRENDER" over a photo taken on the day that he, um, surrendered. 

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A friend of mine who's a critic often tells me that he tries not to assess a film or theater performance through the lens of his own personal taste. Instead, he asks what the creators were trying to accomplish and whether they met their own goals. That view shapes the tawdry task of reviewing the mug shots of the Five-Iron Cartel. The five-point scale I'm using here is not a measure of their moral worth, which is zeroes across the board. Our task here is to rate how well the members of the Trump cartel struck their poses of cartoonish evil. 

Donald Trump: 1/5

Former President Donald Trump poses for his booking photo at the Fulton County Jail on Aug. 24, 2023 in Atlanta. (Fulton County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images)

Trump spent months hyping up the idea of his mug shot. He's tried desperately to romanticize his criminal indictments, as if he were Bonnie and/or Clyde. MAGA has been doing their part, donating more money after each set of charges and pretending he's a sex symbol, à la Frank Sinatra circa 1938. But without the glamour shot of Trump holding his prisoner number, it was a hard sell — to the point where he actually sold merch featuring a fake mug shot so fans could feel the fantasy. 

With expectations set that high, he was bound to fail. Even so, this is a major disappoinment. Despite spending hours on his hair and makeup, Trump still looks disheveled. His eyes are bloodshot. His combover has a disturbing unnatural sheen and those overgrown eyebrows are an unfortunate reminder that, as he told the magistrate judge in Washington a few weeks ago, his age is "seven-seven."

Trump also undermined his efforts to seem like a hardcore maverick renegade by describing his hair color as "strawberry" on his booking form. (Seriously: strawberry?) He also complained to Newsmax, "I had never heard the word 'mug shot.' They didn't teach me that at the Wharton School of Finance." 

Even one point out of five may seem generous, but at least he managed not to smear his makeup on his collar. No doubt Trump thinks the photo is "perfect" and "beautiful." He also listed his height at 6'3" and his weight at 215 pounds, another reminder that there's no limit to his delusional self-assessment. 

David Shafer 4/5

Former Georgia State Sen. David Shafer poses for his booking photo on Aug. 23, 2023 in Atlanta. (Fulton County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images)

This photo is drastically overexposed, but that only adds to the ominous effect of this mug shot of David Shafer, the former Georgia Republican Party chair. Let's give credit where it's due: Shafer isn't a nationally famous villain like your John Eastmans or your Rudy Giulianis. But in one flash-heavy moment, he went from a guy you never heard of before to someone you hate with every fiber of your being.

As far as villain entrances go, it's not quite Darth Vader emerging from battle smoke to gaze on the fallen bodies of the Rebel Alliance. What it lacks in drama, however, it makes up for in seedy menace. You worry that he will somehow persuade you to buy a flood-damaged Grand Cherokee (or the swampland where it died) or cheerfully start telling you about the 20 bodies buried under his basement. Chilling. 

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Jenna Ellis: 5/5

Former Trump lawyer Jenna Ellis poses for her booking photo on Aug. 23, 2023 in Atlanta. (Fulton County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images

Is this photo tasteless? Absolutely. Is Ellis failing to take this situation seriously? 100%. Is that a grin one wants to see wiped off her face in record time? Totally. 

Nonetheless, one must give former Trump aide Jenna Ellis her due for hitting all the marks. As a fundraising ploy, her s**t-eating grin surpasses all Trump's bragging that he would "proudly be arrested" in Georgia. One can hold out hope that Ellis' bravado will dissipate when confronted with the reality of this situation. For the moment, however, she's done everything she can to impress the rubes and scare up more hard cash for her legal defense. Since Trump ain't footing her legal bill, it's no surprise Jenna is hustling. 

Rudy Giuliani: 0/5

Rudy Giuliani, former personal lawyer for former President Donald Trump, poses for his booking photo on Aug. 23, 2023 in Atlanta. (Fulton County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images)The owner of a Manhattan apartment you can have for a cool $6.5 million turned in the most satisfying mug shot — at least for those of us who long to see the insurrectionists pay for their misdeeds. Rudy's not even trying for that "eff you, liberals" vibe that most of the geniuses behind the Country Club Coup are aiming for. He just looks like a beatdown dog.

Perhaps that's because, unlike his fellow defendants, Giuliani has personally (and successfully) prosecuted wealthy criminal defendants on RICO charges. He knows that ending up in the hoosegow is a real possibility. He can't even pretend to be happy about it. 

Or maybe he's just hung over. Either way, this counts as a massive fail when it comes to opening the wallets of the MAGA faithful. He better hope that apartment sells soon, or he may end up being represented by an Atlanta public defender. 

Sidney Powell: 3/5

Attorney Sidney Powell poses for her booking photo on Aug. 23, 2023 in Atlanta. (Fulton County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images)If someone unfamiliar with the Chardonnay Conspiracy were asked what this lady was charged with, they might guess it had to do with the arsenic found in the crème brulée she'd served to her sixth husband. "Kraken" lawyer Sidney Powell was always going to have a hard time overcoming her Chanel silk blouse sensibilities to refashion herself into a truly scary figure. The dead-eyed stare certainly helps. No one thinks she's capable of stabbing Janet Leigh to death in a shower, but you definitely want to keep a close eye on your Scotch-and-soda when she's around. 

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John Eastman: 1/5

John Eastman, former lawyer to former President Donald Trump, poses for his booking photo on Aug. 22, 2023 in Atlanta. (Fulton County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images)Look, there's no doubt that this guy, one of the chief architects of the "fake electors" plot, has a disturbing affect. I doubt even John Eastman's wife would be surprised if he were picked up on peeping-Tom charges. But Eastman has failed to embrace the creepiness that truly makes him unnerving. Instead, he portrays himself in media interviews as a true heir to the American Revolution, like he's about to grab a musket and have a run at the Redcoats, shouting, "Give me liberty or give me death!"

Johnny boy, you hid in your fancy library while the Capitol insurrectionists you inspired ran over the barricades. If you want to scare people, you'd do a lot better by leaning into the panty-sniffing darkness just below the surface of your personality. 

Ray Smith: 5/5

Georgia lawyer Ray Smith poses for his booking photo on Aug. 23, 2023 in Atlanta. (Fulton County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images)I don't even know who this Ray Smith character is. Fox 5 Atlanta describes him as "a business, real estate, election and probate litigation attorney." But if you told me this was the guy they arrested for the Gilgo Beach murders, I would believe you. 

Mark Meadows: 1/5

Former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows poses for his booking photo on Aug. 24, 2023 in Atlanta. (Fulton County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images)Donald Trump's last and most consequential White House chief of staff (I won't even try to list the others) went the ill-advised route of trying to look like a tough guy in his mug shot. Instead, he looks like the guy who just found dog poop on his well-manicured lawn and wants to blame you for it. You don't scare anyone, Mark. This photo is more likely to remind folks of how former Meadows aide Cassidy Hutchinson described his Jan. 6 behavior in her testimony to the House select committee: slumped on the couch, listlessly scrolling through his phone as a mob stormed the Capitol.

Kenneth Chesebro: 2/5

Former Trump lawyer Kenneth Chesebro poses for his booking photo on Aug. 23, 2023 in Atlanta. (Fulton County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images)Unlike Eastman, his fellow alleged conspirator in the "fake electors" plot, Trump lawyer Kenneth Chesebro actually did join the crowd that stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021. (Though he apparently shied away from actual violence.) So you might think he'd do a better job looking like a true baddie for the Fulton County jail staff. Alas, along with his meme-worthy surname, Chesebro looks like a guy who just called the chef out from the kitchen to complain that his Angus steak was absolutely not medium-rare, dammit. 

Despite the weak facial expression, Chesebro gets a bonus point for the strongly villainous hairdo, bringing his score up to just below mediocre.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Ga.: 0/5

Being so thirsty for your own mug shot that you end up faking one is always likely to be an epic fail, but Greene makes it even more pathetic by flashing a beauty pageant grin. Her little photo shoot is part of a larger MAGA trend of putting your own face into the Fulton County mug shot frame, with results cringeworthy enough to revive the "OK boomer" catchphrase of a couple years ago. These folks may think they're serving up Sex Pistols, but they're really just giving us Blink 182. That ought to serve as a welcome reminder that no matter how hard they strive to spin fascism as a countercultural movement, there will never be anything cool about MAGA.