In times of dating apathy and insincerity, it took a himbo to save "The Bachelor" franchise

If you've never watched "The Bachelor" before, you're not alone. Vanessa Vivas hadn't until this season, but she says, "Because of Joey and the hype around him I got sucked in."

Deep in the artistic warehouse neighborhood of Bushwick, a live "Bachelor" watch party is in full swing at Syndicated Bar on Monday night. Women in secondhand Levi's jeans and claw clips dominate the popular Brooklyn space. I’ve been here countless times to watch “The Bachelor” and its spinoffs “The Bachelorette” and “Bachelor in Paradise” but I’ve never seen it like a can of Pillsbury croissant dough ready to burst out of its cylinder. I even had to stand on the edge of the entrance, watching over 100 people, mostly women, chatter in anticipation.

The numbers bear this out. While the Season 28 premiere drew in a hefty 6.02 million viewers over its first week (taking into account ABC, Hulu and multiplatform views), the viewership has snowballed as the season barrels on. Each week draws an even bigger crowd, and after 35 days, the premiere has now accumulated 7.7 million total viewers, according to The Wrap. The show hasn't been this popular in years. Some attribute this to the changing of producers after the ousting of longtime show creator and executive producer Mike Fleiss after allegations of misconduct. But others attribute it to this year’s bachelor, 28-year-old tennis instructor Joey Graziadei from the Philadelphia area.

He is precisely why Vivas finally tuned into the long-running reality dating show. "[Joey’s] very charming and sincere," she told Salon. "He’s very charismatic. He seems to be attentive and sweet. I think that’s what really grabs all the girls’ attention.” 

Last year, Graziadei was a contestant on “The Bachelorette” where he almost won the heart of the Charity Lawson with his dazzling smile, brown curly locks and emotional intelligence. He began to shine when Lawson challenged him with a conversation on interracial dating. Although he had never dated a Black woman before, Graziadei handled a conversation with a candid sincerity.

“I do see you for the entirety of who you are and I never want you to doubt that I can be someone like that for you,” Graziadei told Lawson.

While he didn’t end up with Lawson, Graziadei won something else – the universal love of Bachelor Nation, the hardcore legion of fans who have kept the franchise running for more than two decades. 

“I showed up here today because it's a community for girls. I feel like a majority of men go to bars to watch sports and I feel like not many women are into that,” Vivas, a former sociology student said. “I feel like ['The Bachelor'] is the one thing women unite in and have that same sense of community.”

Thus Graziadei was plucked from relative obscurity and shoved into the limelight for his second chance at love. But this time felt starkly different from previous “Bachelor” seasons. From multiple failed engagements, a cringe finale featuring the show's first Black bachelor and a racism scandal that ousted longtime host Chris Harrison – the archaic dating show seemingly hadn't been adapting quickly enough to the times. 

There’s also been an increase in messier dating reality TV shows like “Love Island,” “Love Is Blind” and “Too Hot Too Handle.” With these shiny new choices, viewers moved away from the flagship ABC show with yearly declining ratings. But as noted earlier, Joey's season has been setting records in viewership.

Joey Graziadei as a gladiator with his women on "The Bachelor" (ABC)"Bachelor" fans Caroline and Hannah, who preferred only to use their first names, told me that while they are longtime fans of the show, the viewing experience feels different now. Hannah started watching “The Bachelor” in college in 2011 and drew Caroline into the fold three years later. They both feel that the show benefits from the producer changes and also featuring an "attractive nice guy."

“It’s the first time in a while that I’ve been excited about ‘The Bachelor,'" said Hannah. "I’m watching a little bit for Joey not just for the drama.”

So what is the elusive appeal of Graziadei that has hundreds of people showing up at a watch party on a cold March evening in Brooklyn? It’s actually really not elusive at all. He is simply a “himbo," what Merriam-Webster defines as “an attractive but vacuous man.” It may be harsh to rule out Graziadei’s intelligence immediately, but various moments on and off “The Bachelor” have shown he is probably not the sharpest person. 

For instance, the endearing Graziadei mistook one of the most well-known and important Supreme Court Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg for popular true crime figure Gypsy Rose Blanchard. He also admitted on “Live with Kelly & Mark” that he had “no idea who Kathie Lee Gifford is.” In response to shocked gasps from the audience he earnestly continued, “I’m only 28! I’m sorry.” Also, when “The Bachelor” jetted its cast off to Malta, he described the city as having “that old-school vibe to it.” 

Despite not being the smartest on paper, he makes up for it with emotional intelligence and sincerity, which some feel is the appeal of the classic himbo. Think of characters like Jason Mendoza (Manny Jacinto) from “The Good Place,” Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt) from “Parks & Recreation” or Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg) from “Brooklyn Nine-Nine.” This archetype tends to hold the emotional heart of their respective shows with their words of affirmation, close attention to detail and active listening. All of these qualities seem to be present in Graziadei.

“I think Joey is somewhat relatable as he opens up about his insecurities and his doubts and feeling like he needs to be perfect,” Caroline said. “He also responds well to the women when they talk about traumatic things that have happened to them. He seems very empathetic and kind.”

Hannah agreed and said he’s a “little more vulnerable,” and as an audience we “see what he’s experienced.” 

This is a refreshing change from Bachelors past, who appear less engaged. “You don’t really know anything about them. All they say to the women is ‘Oh I love that.’ This time he’s actually saying ‘I went through something similar, and that was hard for me too,’” Hannah shared.

Graziadei's openness is what we seem to be missing in real life and maybe even on “The Bachelor” too. Vivas said, “In the dating world in New York City – you have exposure to so many people," and that women can “use ['The Bachelor'] as inspiration in a way. Or maybe that these are the questions I should be asking on dates. Girls can analyze it and apply it to their real life or how the dating world is here.”

Joey Graziadei and Daisy on "The Bachelor" (ABC)Previous Bachelors have struggled with the sincerity and earnestness that Graziadei has easily seemed to convey to the 30-plus women he courted this season. When contestant Daisy Kent shared the story of how she slowly began losing her hearing because of a rare illness called Ménière's Disease, Graziadei showed patience and understanding. He then asked Kent how her mental health was throughout the journey of getting a cochlear implant. She responded in disbelief, “Are you even real?”

The series has had a long list of failed Bachelors, especially ones that haven’t resonated well with women. In 2014, there was Juan Pablo Galavis, the Venezuelan soccer player and father, who was the first Latino to lead the franchise. Despite the slow strides in diversity hiring, Galavis had nothing to give and was emotionally shut off from the women. His infamous and patronizing catchphrase “It’s OK” still rings in my ears. 

Not only that, Galavis was accused by the women of his season of mistreating them, which led to his top contestant and future Bachelorette, Clare Crowley, telling him off in the finale. She told Galavis in a fury, "I lost respect for you. I thought I knew what kind of man you were. What you just made me go through — I would never want my children having a father like you.”

Years after Galavis’ major failure, in 2019, there was the Christian virgin, Colton Underwood. His most memorable moment was when he leaped over a fence when the frontrunner for his heart, Cassie Randolph threatened to leave. Post-"Bachelor" he was also served with a restraining order for stalking Randolph, who was then his ex and had accused him of putting a tracking device on her car. The retraining order was eventually dropped, and years later Underwood came out as gay.

Other reality dating shows like Netflix's uber-popular “Love Is Blind” are also in the same boat of showcasing less than ideal single men. During the show's recent sixth season, it suffered from superficial, apathetic contestants who hadn't yet addressed their issues. One contestant named Clay started the blind dating process by saying that he has to be physically attracted to his future partner. The show’s whole process hinges on its contestants not letting someone’s physical attributes get in the way of this sight-unseen love. He told his future fiancée, Amber Desiree, “My favorite attribute is lips, butt and all that stuff. That sounds so shallow but hearing what your best attributes are, if I’mma propose, that’s something I need to know.” 

Rachel and Joey Graziadei on "The Bachelor" (ABC)In comparison, Graziadei is miles ahead of these reality show dating duds. In a recent episode of "The Bachelor," after Rachel Nance hurt her face while jumping into the water during their date in Mexico, she put on a brave face and claimed she was fine, an instinctual response for Black women. But it was clear she was in pain, which Graziadei noticed. Later in the evening, Nance broke down in tears apologizing for ruining the date, and Graziadei urged Nance to stop looking at the incident through that lens. He kindly told her the incident gave him insight into a more vulnerable side of her.

Ultimately, Graziadei shows us what today's male reality television stars are severely lacking. It’s also a sign that our dating culture has shifted to people yearning for emotionally available people actually looking for love and not fleeting and fickle connections. People like the kind and sometimes daft Graziadei, who poured his heart out saying, “I know I have the best intentions, I know I’ve been honest through all of this, I know I have a good heart and I have so much to give. I just really want someone to want that from me, and I want it to be reciprocated.”