The most common money fears, according to financial therapists

Money is one of the leading causes of stress across age groups and people have a lot of feelings about it. Some people love money, some people hate money, but most people have fear and anxiety about money.  Four in five Americans have anxiety about their financial situation, according to a 2024 survey by Discover® Personal Loans. 

Though money fears are pervasive, they’re not talked about often because talking about money is still seen as taboo. A survey by the American Psychological Association found that only 52% of adults feel comfortable talking about money, while 45% said they feel embarrassed talking about money. Secrecy can be a breeding ground for shame and only exacerbate money fears, which can arise from personal experiences, family, culture and capitalism. 

As money fears have become ubiquitous, a relatively new field has emerged to help people tackle these complicated feelings: financial therapy. 

Its inception came on the heels of The Great Recession in 2008. More than a decade later, the field has grown alongside people’s money fears. Here are four common anxieties financial therapists consistently see pop up in their practice:

1. Making a financial mistake 

Though we all have to deal with money, not everyone is taught about money or how to manage it. There’s a lot of jargon in personal finance that can be off-putting and confusing. Regardless of your level of financial literacy, a common fear is making a financial mistake. 

“I would say the very first one and the one that tends to come up again and again really falls under this umbrella of making a mistake. And the reason I say making a mistake is because it's pretty broad, this fear of making a financial mistake can be both general or the fear that they will make a mistake that they can't bounce back from,” said Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, LMSW, financial therapist and founder of Mind Money Balance. 

Financial mistakes can range from forgetting to make a credit card payment, choosing the wrong financial product or not saving at all to not having your money actually invested and just sitting in cash, not getting the necessary insurance products, or not designating beneficiaries on your accounts. 

Take action: Consider signing up for autopay, do your research and comparison shop, start a savings habit, check your investment accounts, add beneficiaries to your accounts, and look into life insurance and disability insurance.

2. Running out of money 

One of the most chilling yet very common fears is running out of money. In fact, the 2024 Annual Retirement Study from Allianz Life Insurance Company of North America found that 63% worry more about running out of money than death. 

Even millionaires aren’t immune to this fear. Fears aren’t always rational and also can be rooted in things outside of our control. 

“The fear of not having enough is very heavily influenced by capitalism,” said Jillian Knight, LMFT and owner of Her Financial Therapy. “It is also important to note that everyone I work with has fears about money regardless of their financial situation.”

Take action: Use a retirement calculator to see how much you might need. Create an account with the Social Security Administration (SSA) to see your estimated Social Security benefits. Continue to invest to counteract the effects of inflation. If you have children, get a term life insurance policy.  

3. Facing a current financial situation

Whether it’s due to systemic factors, bad luck or foolish or naive choices, people often don’t want to face their current financial situation if it’s perceived as negative. We’re designed to seek pleasure and avoid pain, so maintaining the status quo is easier than facing the pain head-on.  

Denial is a coping mechanism that can help deal with the money fear, but it only lasts so long until life forces a change. People may avoid paying taxes, opening bills or paying down debt. While this can assuage the immediate negative feelings, it can lead to a shame spiral that grows into something bigger. 

Financial therapist Amanda Clayman said people “fear that they will ruin their life and die of shame if they don't fix dysregulated financial behavior patterns like avoidance, impulsive spending, underearning or paying off debt then running it up again.”

In extreme cases, the burden of debt can lead to suicidal ideation. For a decade, I’ve received many comments and emails from people suicidal over their debt after writing about the topic. They feel trapped, exhausted, hopeless, and entirely alone. They have no idea where to start. 

“Take avoidance patterns seriously. Learn to face pain and not run away from it. Learn to work with what's happening in your body and incorporate re-regulation into your plan for how to "do money,” said Clayman.

Take action: Identify the issue. Get support from a non-profit credit counselor and build tiny habits. Open bills right away. Make minimum payments (or more). Talk to a financial therapist who can help you work through the feelings of overwhelm.

4. Being judged in relationships 

We are social creatures and most of us do care what other people think about us, at least to a certain extent. This can carry over into the money realm with a fear of being judged in your relationships. 

“We know that money impacts our relationships with our friends, our partners, our colleagues, our family, and this fear of not knowing how to talk to somebody about money because they're worried about being judged or being embarrassed. Or, 'If I set a financial boundary, will I be excluded? Or will I be thought of poorly?,'” said Bryan-Podvin.

For example, not wanting to split things down the middle if you only ordered an appetizer while everyone ordered entrees and drinks. Letting your friends know that you can’t really afford that girls' trip you’ve been talking about for years. 

In the case of many people who reach out to me, they’re terrified of coming clean to their family or children about the debt situation they’re in. They fear being disowned or divorced and changing other people’s perceptions of them, which can threaten the feeling of belonging. 

It’s not just the awkward or heavy money stuff that people fear. People fear how others will react if they have good money news.  

“Maybe I share with someone I got a bonus. Am I allowed to talk about it? Or is that going to look like bragging?” said Bryan-Podvin. 

Take action: If you can’t afford something, consider declining but inviting your friends to a free or low-cost activity in your budget as an alternative. Try to have discussions ahead of time and be honest. “Hey, I’m paying off debt right now so I’m only going to get something small and pay for myself.” Ask your friends and family for help if the situation is dire and let them know you want to talk about something important. 

How therapy can help

Financial therapy can provide a safe space to deal with these money fears. If you feel you can’t talk to anyone about money, this is a place to start. 

“I help people see money as a holistic experience that incorporates processing feelings in the body, understanding money's place in our relationships, and exploring identity issues related to money,” said Clayman.

Financial therapy can help you navigate the sometimes murky and complex relationship with money and provide clarity. 

“Working with a financial therapist helps people shift their thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviors with money to be neutral or positive. A financial therapist can help you feel your feelings about money, unpack the underlying sources of the fear and move toward making decisions based on what you want instead of what you are afraid is going to happen. Having a financial therapist listen to your fears with empathy and validation helps people to feel seen and less alone,” said Knight.  

If you want to move forward, find someone to work with on the Financial Therapy Association website.