Every new year I attempt to tackle a pressing issue that seems to torment my life. In 2024, it was my intimacy issues.
I suffer from perpetual-25-year-old-single-woman syndrome. These intimacy issues are compressed as tightly as a packed snowball, and I wanted to address them before that icy sphere hurls my way, potentially hitting me smack in the face.
My therapist would say I have an anxious-avoidant attachment style. Let me boil down the therapy-speak for you: I tend to ignore conflict in my relationships because I’m hyper-independent but simultaneously crave intimacy with people even though I also fear it. This push-and-pull dynamic breeds a sense of panic and horror when connecting with people. So, I vanish in a blink of an eye.
With 2025 right around the corner, I'm noticing my avoidant side has already activated. But why does it feel like the upcoming year is just another middling situationship I’m ghosting?
A year taking action . . .
In recent years, I’ve been action-orientated about my New Year’s intentions. I tend to be quite ritualistic with my traditions as I find my footing as a 20-something. What has helped push me to action is a list of Ins and Outs I curate for the year’s vibe.
One of those Ins for 2024 was finding a creative hobby that furthered my artistic pursuits outside my preferred and beloved relationship with writing. I’ve never particularly been the most traditionally artistic person but last year I would finally try.
So, I picked up a watercolor journal and a matching paint set. Not long after the purchase, I saw people online “junk journaling.” The hobby is essentially an inexpensive version of scrapbooking – the goal is to create using any materials you find for free. It’s the type of journaling you don’t have to overthink. For the last five months, junk journaling has given me solace from my neurotic thoughts.
It’s not just the arts that kept me motivated last year. This was the year I would jet set off somewhere outside of America. It wasn’t easy though. It took months of planning with my long-distance best friend over numerous calls and a handful of small compromises.
Merely weeks after the 2024 election, we whisked ourselves to London and Paris. We both agreed we no longer wanted to be tethered to America. The last time I traveled out of the country was to my parents' home country Ethiopia when I was 9 so I was eager to explore somewhere new. There was a sense of wonder watching a musical on the West End or accidentally stumbling onto the Tuileries Garden and hearing a street performer play “La Vie en Rose” on the accordion.
Finally, I understood why privileged celebrities like Ellen DeGenerous and Portia de Rossi had altogether ditched the States for Europe (despite the continent's own issues). We were so present that we got stuck in Paris overnight because we booked the wrong Eurostar ticket. I promise it wasn’t as glamorous as it sounds. After eating late-night stomach-turning Popeyes in Paris and shedding some tears, we stayed in a trippy '80s-styled hotel, fearful of Parisian bedbugs ready to chomp on our American flesh. Despite it all, I was proud of us. We were just two girls who had always dreamt of experiencing Europe like this and we did it alone but ultimately together until the very end.
The year I'm evading . . .
Now that we are in 2025, I have barely thought about what’s to come this year. Even though it is only the first week, I haven’t written down any Ins and Outs. I usually watch my holiday favorite romcom, “When Harry Met Sally” to ring in the new year. I also spend time with friends on New Year’s Eve. I successfully did both of these things this year but I canceled on other friends who had invited me to a New Year's Day brunch. I spent the day, rotting on the couch, watching endless hours of the K-drama “Business Proposal” with my roommate.
No part of me will abandon my New Year’s traditions but my priorities have shifted. The perfectionist in me wants to race to plan out the rest of the year. But I have decided to let go because maybe I’m not as driven to go on Pinterest-level vacations, force myself to religiously journal every day, or even work out when I know I'm exhausted. It's minuscule but it adds up.
Instead of obsessing over what's to come or the rituals I've built, I’ve turned to something far easier to tackle: movies, which lets me enjoy things passively. As an avid cinephile, I had a personal goal to reach 100 movies before the end of last year.
On Letterboxd, I logged the 2023 French film “The Taste of Things” by Tran Anh Hung as my 100th movie on Dec. 26. It’s an intimate look at the relationship between a French chef and his lover and cook in the 1800s. It’s romantic but also shows such restraint in a simmering sensual way like sauteing onions and garlic. There’s even tension when they eat the elaborate French cuisine they’ve just cooked together.
Immediately after my 100th watch, I also streamed two Wattpad-inspired movies, one starring TikTok star Noah Beck in Tubi's “Sidelined: The QB and Me” and a Spanish dark teen romance “Tuya Culpa.” I never said my taste was all highbrow. I revel in an egregiously unwatchable romantic teen movies from time to time.
I have a secret to admit though. I’ve been using these small acts of solace to avoid the impending doom connected to another Trump presidency – which already seems to be headed into oligarchic territory – the rising cost of living in NYC and across the country, endless war and the complete desolation in Gaza.
The overall temperature in this country is as frigid as Antarctica. My own empathy reserve is running low. The emotional labor needed to deal with 2025 is like a rotten, toxic relationship and I’d rather hide out in my cozy apartment from the looming monster.
At this very moment, I’m just trying to stay in the present and in touch with my body and emotions. As my therapist would say, “You’re always in the cerebral space. How do you actually feel in your body?” while placing her hand on her heart. Maybe with her guidance and my own resolve, I’ll be prepared to shed my avoidant tendencies, finally slay the beast that is 2025 and be free at last.
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