Was it only a few days ago that you hoisted high your champagne flute and swore on Dick Clark's well-preserved head you'd
diet your way into a new saddlebag-free century?
Oh yes, it was.
And now that you're huddled under your desk, hungrily gnawing on the thigh of a stale bargain-bin chocolate Santa and muttering darkly
about Calista Flockhart, your misery may be pleased to know it's got some serious celebrity company.
Shove over, Richard Simmons and Monica
Lewinsky; there's a whole new breed of body-image bemoaners in town.
For instance, Courtney Thorne-Smith, who plays Georgia on "Ally McBeal," may look like a perfect Barbie doll to you, but
she says dissatisfaction with her own body nearly drove her under the knife.
"For years I wanted thin, thin arms," she admits in the new issue of Shape. "I spent years debating whether to get a boob reduction."
Even now, the knowledge that she "will never have ... breasts that look wonderful in a tank top without a bra" or "wear spaghetti straps
successfully" causes her deep personal pain.
And I'm sure you'll also want to shed a tear for Geri Halliwell, who recently shared in the U.K.'s FHM magazine that she was
"very under-developed as a girl -- flat as a pancake ... It even got to the point where my nickname was 'bald.'" The erstwhile Ginger
Spice said she'd screw up her strength and tell her shapelier, hairier friends, "You wait and see, I'll have bigger breasts than all of you."
Rather than rely on the hands of time to work their magic, Halliwell might have learned a thing or two about inadequacy compensation
from Elizabeth Hurley, who's just gone public with her own childhood struggles with a slack booty. The supermodel/actress
tells Elle she used to stuff Kleenex in her jeans for a rounder-rumped look.
So come on -- crawl out from under your desk, dry your eyes and try out a meek, chocolatey smile. And pay no attention to Hurley's
assertion in Allure, "I've always thought Marilyn Monroe looked fabulous, but I'd kill myself if I was that fat."
Big talk from a flat-butted gal.
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Make it a double
"I need a drink."
-- Frank McCourt's first comment after seeing the film version of his autobiographical book "Angela's Ashes," according to
producer David Brown.
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The patter of little feet?
Kevin Spacey has a secret.
The man whom Esquire magazine all but outed a few years back (he denies he's gay) says he may be
ready to start a family.
"A couple of years ago, a discussion about having children came up between my girlfriend and me," he recently told the British magazine
She (no snickering, please). "I was like 'no, I'm working on my career.'"
Now, however, he says he thinks kids "are something I definitely want, and I think my life is leading in that direction."
Take that, Tom Junod.
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Derek Smalls, beware
"If there is ever a place where a person has a reasonable expectation of privacy, it is under their clothing."
-- ACLU lawyer Gregory Nojeim, objecting to the use of body-revealing X-ray scanners for security in U.S. airports.
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Juicy bits
Speaking of airport privacy invasion ... a security screener at Los Angeles International Airport was arrested for swiping Cameron
Diaz's purse last week. According to airport spokesman Tom Winfrey, the screener snatched the bag containing $7,000
and a passport from the X-ray machine as it passed through. The bag was returned, but perhaps Diaz and Diana Ross could form a celebrity security hassle support group?
The greatest romance of the century: Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward? Brad Pitt and Jennifer
Aniston? Fay Wray and King Kong? According to an "E! Online" reader poll, no one beats Miss Piggy
and Kermit the Frog in the love department. Who says it's not easy being green?
Perhaps you thought we were in for a kinder, gentler millennium -- that all those nasty White House sex scandals were behind us. Over
Matt Drudge's dead body! Drudge is reporting that several revelers at the first family's star-studded New Year's Eve party were caught by a Secret Service Agent "engaged in sex acts in a room off the
Rose Garden." Drudge claims he's declining to name names at this time "for privacy concerns." Hmmm, maybe we are in for a kinder,
gentler millennium after all ...
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