Convenience foods for the end of the world

I tried to avoid this reality for weeks, but the buzz was deafening: We are now officially living in the age of the Candwich, where popping open a soda to find lunch inside is something we're supposed to want to do. But, friends, there is hope: We have survived the cultural apocalypses foretold by egregiously dumb convenience foods before, and here are a few choice examples. And if we are doomed, at least we'll have years' worth of this stuff lying around to keep our hollow, soulless bodies alive.