Valentine’s Day is often seen as a celebration of romantic love, but shouldn’t its spirit extend beyond that? Love comes in many forms — platonic friendships, familial bonds and even professional partnerships. In the culinary world, few partnerships exemplify this as well as chefs Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger, who have worked side by side since the mid-1980s, helming the iconic Border Grill and building a culinary empire together.
Milliken and Feniger, pioneers of Mexican cuisine in the United States, have spent decades collaborating, opening restaurants, filming television shows (including the Food Network classic "Too Hot Tamales"), publishing cookbooks and advocating for social justice and equity in the restaurant industry. Their partnership has become a model of mentorship and empowerment, an example of how two people can elevate each other’s work.
Their connection runs deeper than business. In a twist that only strengthens their bond, Feniger was once married to a man named Josh Schweitzer — who is now Milliken’s husband. Yet their enduring friendship and shared vision remain the core of their partnership.
Feniger’s journey began in Toledo, Ohio, where she discovered a love for the camaraderie and pressure of restaurant work. She convinced her economics professor to let her complete her final year at the Culinary Institute of America, balancing six-hour classes with eight-hour shifts. Her career took her from fish markets to Kansas City to Chicago —where she met Milliken — before landing in Los Angeles to work with Wolfgang Puck. A stint in the south of France followed, solidifying her culinary expertise.
Young Mary Sue and Susan (Photo courtesy of Border Grill / BBQ Mexicana)
Milliken, on the other hand, fell in love with cooking as a teenager and realized at 16 that it could be her profession. She graduated high school early, attended culinary school in Chicago, and soon after, met Feniger. "It was the first time I worked with someone as passionate as I was — maybe even more so," she recalled. "I remember one day she told me that she wasn’t reading novels, only cookbooks!"
Persistence, they agree, has been key to their success. "We are in it for the long haul," Milliken said. When they founded Border Grill in 1985, they hoped it would stand the test of time. Their early exposure to Mexican cuisine reshaped their culinary outlook. "The spices, the flavor profiles, the down-to-earth qualities of the people we worked with, the amazing use of produce—learning about ingredients we’d never encountered before, like epazote, hoja santa, achiote, and all the different chiles—was a revelation," Feniger said.
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When asked about the secret to their enduring partnership, Feniger responded with humor and insight. "Therapy!" she said. "I think the fact that we both had many years of therapy was crucial. It helped us accept change and see the value in this incredible partnership. We trust each other implicitly, and that’s a huge gift in business."
Milliken agreed, emphasizing mutual respect. "I’d be lying if I didn’t mention how hard we work at it. We have complementary skill sets that make the partnership strong, and if there’s one thing you can always count on—it’s change."
Susan and Mary Sue receiving the Julia Child Award (Photo courtesy of Border Grill / BBQ Mexicana)
Both chefs cite winning the Julia Child Award as one of their most validating achievements. "Being part of the Smithsonian’s permanent collection, with our history displayed alongside Julia Child’s kitchen, still blows me away," Feniger said. "I mean, around the corner are Dorothy’s shoes from ‘The Wizard of Oz’ and the Batmobile!" Milliken called the award "the biggest thrill ever," describing Child as "an amazing inspiration, friend and mentor."
Their latest venture, Alice B., holds deep significance. The restaurant is named after Alice B. Toklas, partner of Gertrude Stein, and is part of Living Out, a luxury apartment complex for LGBTQIA+ adults. "A restaurant owned by two women, two activists — one of whom is a lesbian — felt like a perfect fit," Feniger said. "When we met chef Lance Velasquez, we knew he was the right person to bring our vision to life. His passion for Mediterranean cuisine, high-quality ingredients, and mentoring his team aligned with everything we believe in."
Alice B Main Dining Room (Photo courtesy of Border Grill / BBQ Mexicana)
Milliken echoed the sentiment. "We’re huge advocates for the LGBTQIA+ community, and cooking at this groundbreaking complex was an opportunity we couldn’t resist. Alice B. was a natural choice for the name—she and Stein were trailblazers, and she was beloved for her cooking."
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When asked why they cook, Milliken was succinct: "To make people happy, including myself." Feniger elaborated: "I love everything about it. It feels like home. Cooking is my life, my way of sharing experiences with friends. I love the ceremony of eating, the joy of giving people something special, and the way food brings people together."
Sustainability has been a core value in their kitchens for decades. "All of our fish is sustainably sourced according to the Monterey Bay Aquarium’s Seafood Watch program," Feniger said. "Our proteins are hormone- and antibiotic-free, and we’ve been at the forefront of using recycled to-go containers." Milliken added that designing plant-forward menus has been a priority. "If we all eat less meat and more vegetables, it will have the biggest impact on mitigating climate change."
Border Grill Chicken Poblano Enchiladas (Photo courtesy of Border Grill / BBQ Mexicana)
Their commitment extends beyond their restaurants. Feniger has served on the board of the LA LGBT Center for over 17 years and is now co-chair. "It’s the largest LGBT center in the world, with over 800 employees doing critical work, especially in today’s political climate. I’m incredibly proud to be part of it."
She is also deeply involved in the Scleroderma Research Foundation, having lost her best friend to the disease. Additionally, she and Milliken have long supported No Kid Hungry and their event Cool Comedy Hot Cuisine, which they co-hosted for years alongside Bob Saget.
"Good partnerships allow for change, growth, and evolution," Milliken said. "If you’re stuck in the past, that usually dooms a partnership."
Feniger & Milliken's Julia Child Display (Photo courtesy of Border Grill / BBQ Mexicana)
With nearly four decades of collaboration behind them, Milliken and Feniger continue to prove that love — whether found in friendship, business or the kitchen — can be a force for lasting impact.
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